You’re going to love these funny mistletoe jokes for Christmas – or anytime! Yes, we have the best mistletoe jokes for the holiday season!
These jokes about mistletoe are perfect for everyone who celebrates Christmas, especially parents and families with children.
You’ll find clean mistletoe jokes and Christmas mistletoe jokes that kids (and everyone else) will get a smile out of.
According to Wikipedia, Mistletoe is a plant that grows on host trees which include willow, apple and oak trees. The tradition of hanging it in the house goes back to the ancient Druids and the custom of kissing under Mistletoe comes from England.
There are enough jokes and riddles here to make it through your holiday party. Here’s an idea, post some mistletoe jokes underneath the mistletoe at your house. When a family member goes to read one, run over and give them a kiss!
Mistletoe Jokes
Q: What action figure is made for Christmas?
A: G.I. MistleJoe
Q: Why doesn’t mistletoe grow up dogwood trees?
A: It’s afraid of the bark.
Q: Why was all of the mistletoe growing up one tree?
A: It was poplar tree.
Q: How did the mistletoe leaves and the pine needles get along?
A: They signed a peace tree-ty
Q: What looks like half a mistletoe leaf?
A: The other half.
Q: Where did the mistletoe mistakenly hit the person with his hockey stick?
A: Right in the kisser.
Q: Why was the mistletoe leaf shaped like a chicken?
A: It grew up a poultree.
Q: If baseball players get athlete’s foot, what do reindeer get?
A: Mistle-toes.
Q: What did the mistletoe say after it made an offer?
A: Take it or leaf it.
Q: What do you it when military mistletoe doesn’t return on time?
A: Absent without leaf.
Q: What happens when mistletoe falls into mud?
A: It leafs an impression.
Q: What brand of soda pop does mistletoe like to drink?
A: Sunkissed (orange soda).
Q: What part of our body can only be seen at Christmas-time?
A: The mistletoe.
Q: What does mistletoe have that other plants don’t?
A: Mistletoe leaves.
Q: What did the mistletoe do when it went on a long holiday?
A: It took a leaf of absence.
Q: What did one mistletoe leaf say to the other?
A: I’m falling for you.
Q: Where does mistletoe go to get famous?
A: Holly-Wood
Q: How do you clean mistletoe?
A: With Kiss my Face soap.
Q: What did the mistletoe say to the unkind tree?
A: Leaf me alone.
Q: How is mistletoe like a monkey?
A: They both like to climb trees.
Q: How old was the old mistletoe?
A: Near-leaf 100.
Q: How did so many people hear about mistletoe and Christmas?
A: Amp-leaf-ication.
Q: What does mistletoe hand out outside supermarkets?
A: Leaflets.
Q: Why was the mistletoe arrested?
A: For shopleafting
Q: How does mistletoe send Christmas greetings?
A: By teLEAFone
Q: If mistletoe grows on a host tree, what do chickens grow on?
A: A poul-tree.
Q: What weighs less, a pound of mistletoe or a pound of pine needles?
A: Neither, they both weigh one pound.
Q: Why did the mistletoe get hired for the job?
A: It had the right qua-leaf-ications.
Q: Why did the mistletoe go to the school nurse?
A: It was feeling green.
Q: How can you tell when a Christmas party is over?
A: Mistletoe leaves.
Holly-wood!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Leaf?
Leaf who?
Leaf of mistletoe over our heads – kiss me!
Q: What rock band did the mistletoe love to listen to?
A: Kiss.
If you’re looking for more holiday jokes, then check out our other collections: Christmas Jokes, Santa Jokes, Elf Jokes and Snowman Jokes (and Frosty the Snowman Jokes), Garland Jokes, Christmas Tree Jokes, Tinsel Jokes and Reindeer Jokes.
