Marching Band Jokes

Funny marching band jokes for band directors, instructors, pit crew, color guard, musicians, band parents and anyone who enjoys marching bands! Clean Marching Band jokes, riddles, puns, knock-knock jokes and one-liners for kids and adults of all ages.

You’ll also find jokes about marching band and instruments like trumpets, drums, color guard, band directors, tubas, clarinets, sousaphone, trombone and more.

This is the best collection of marching band jokes anywhere – and we will keep adding new jokes whenever we have more to add.

Marching Band Jokes

Q: What’s always right above the drum major?
A: The drum Colonel

Q: What 90’s musical group can marching bands relate to?
A: NSync.

Q: What’s the best part of an Autumn marching band competition?
A: The color gourd.

Q: Why don’t they hold marching band competitions in the jungle?
A: Too many cheetahs.

Q: What do carpenters have in common with marching bands?
A: Drill.

Q: Which hockey team do marching band guard members cheer for?
A: Sabers.

Q: Why doesn’t the struggling marching band have a website?
A: They can’t string three W’s together.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What answer did the marching band director get when she asked the flute player to pay a little attention?
A: But I’m paying as little attention as I can.

Q: What are ten things marching band directors can always count on?
A: Their fingers!

Q: Why was marching band practice so hard?
A: Too many notes.

Q: How are scrambled eggs like a losing marching band?
A: They’re both beaten.

Q: Which marching band musician wears the biggest sneakers?
A: The one with the biggest feet!

Q: What instrument do they only play in Boston marching bands?
A: Red Sox-ophones.

Q: What’s the range of a tuba?
A: About 5 yards if you have a strong enough arm!

Q: How did the marching band fix a broken tuba?
A: With a tuba glue.

Q: Who protects the marching band instruments?
A: The color guard.

Q: Why does the color guard have so much cash?
A: Money hands.

Q: Why was the softball player so good at color guard?
A: She had a grand slam position.

Q: Which horn can send text messages?
A: SousaPHONE.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What gives marching bands their energy?
A: The battery.

Q: What was the cat doing in the marching band?
A: Purr-cussion.

Q: What do talented trumpet players in marching band have in common with pirates?
A: They can both hit the high C’s.

Q: How to trumpet players greet each other at Marching band competitions?
A: “Hello, I’m better than you.”

Q: Why did the marching band director recruit the trumpet playing cow?
A: He was a great moo-sician

Q: What is the longest distance between two points?
A: A parade.

Q: In what month do trumpet players parade the most?
A: March!

Q: What do color guard and naughty football players have in common?
A: They get flagged!

Q: Why was the girl kicked out of color guard?
A: Too much cheater tape.

Q: Why couldn’t the trumpet player perform in the marching band competition?
A: Someone took his notes…

Q: What do you call a band that plays boring songs during parades?
A: A marching bland.

Q: If the tubas stand behind the trumpets, what comes after the tubas?
A: The three-bas.

Q: What kind of cabinet do band directors like most?
A: The lazy sousaphone

Q: Why was the drummer kicked out of marching band?
A: For percussin’

Q: Why does a field get warm after a marching band competition?
A: Because all the fans have left.

Q: Which marching band member can jump higher than the judges table?
A: All of them – a table can’t jump.

Q: Which pack of dogs helps setup for the marching band?
A: A pit bull crew.

Q: What was the only good thing about the lousy marching band playing in Key West?
A: It was the first time they knew what key they were in.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: Which marching band instrument is made out of a non-caloric sweetener?
A: Xylitolphone

Q: Why did the skeleton join marching band?
A: To play tromBONE.

Marching Band Puns

I was asked to play the BASS drum, but I felt like there was something FISHY about it.

The percussionists were bragging again… they think their instruments are a status cymbal.

I have a strange numbness in my arm after marching band practice… I think I hit my funny obone. (oboe + bone)

I was trying to count the saxophones in our marching band… looks like we have Tenor so.

We had marching band practice in a farmer’s field again… apparently it’s more convenient for the color ghourd.

Marching Band Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mitrom who?
Mitrombone hit the trumpet player in front of me – oops!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Clair who?
Clairinet is my favorite instrument!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Sue who?
Sousaphone so you better answer her!

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