Cat Jokes

Cat jokes are funny – and we have the biggest collection of clean cat jokes online!

If you’re looking for kitten or cat jokes, then take a look at this hilarious collection of the best cat jokes, riddles, puns and knock-knock jokes.

These cat jokes are great for parents, teachers, vets, pet store workers, cat lovers and kids of all ages.

Cat Facts – Cats have excellent night vision and can see at only one-sixth the light level required for human vision. They also have excellent hearing and can detect a broad range of frequencies. They can hear higher-pitched sounds than either dogs or humans – and that’s no joke!

Cat Jokes

Q: What looks like half a cat?
A: The other half.

Q: How did the Tom cat think he did on the math test?
A: He was feline pretty good about it.

Q: What happened after the cat ate a ball of wool?
A: She had mittens.

Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a parrot?
A: A carrot.

Q: How do cats eat spaghetti?
A: With their mouths just like everyone else.

Q: What is a French cat’s favorite dessert?
A: Chocolate mouse.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
A: Boo-hoo, I’m paw.

Q: How do you know if your Tom cat’s eaten a duck?
A: He’s got that down in the mouth look.

Q: What kind of musician do cats like to be?
A: Purr-cussionists.

Q: Why did the cat put the letter “M” into the refrigerator?
A: To turn “ice” into “mice”

Q: What do you call a buccaneer with a cat on his shoulder?
A: A purr-ate.

Q: What happened when the cat ate the clown fish?
A: It felt funny.

Funny Cat Jokes for Kids
Cats conserve energy by sleeping more than most animals, especially as they grow older. The daily duration of sleep varies, usually 12–16 hours, with 13–14 being the average.

Q: What’s the first thing a cat does in the morning?
A: It wakes up.

Q: What’s the second thing a cat does after it wakes up?
A: Goes back to sleep.

Clean Cat Jokes

Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse!

Q: What kind of kitten works at the hospital?
A: A first-aid Kit.

Q: How do you know your cat used your computer?
A: Your mouse has teeth marks on it

Q: How does a cat count?
A: Mew, mew-mew, mew-mew-mew…

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Q: How do cats eat pizza?
A: They put it in their mouths just like everyone else.

Q: How does the cat get what it wants?
A: With purr-suasion.

Q: How is a cat like a coin?
A: It has a head on one side and tail on the other

Q: How does a cat sing scales?
A: Do-re-me-ow

Q: What do you call an old Tom cat?
A: Grand-Paw

Q: Why don’t cats like to go shopping?
A: They prefer catalogs.

Q: What’s smarter than a talking cat?
A: A spelling bee!

Q: What do you get when you cross a cat and a shark?
A: A catfish.

Q: Why did the cat cross the road?
A: Claws it wanted to.

Q: Why can’t cats play Go Fish with each other?
A: They get too distracted by the fish.

Q: How is cat food sold?
A: Purrrr can

Q: Why did the cat pour oil on the mouse?
A: Because it squeaked.

Q: Why do you always find a lost cat in the last place you look?
A: Because you stop looking once you find it.

Q: How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
A: He’s got that down in the mouth look!

Q: What happened when the cat swallowed the quarter?
A: There was money in the kitty.

Cat Jokes for School Teachers

Q: Why did the kitten want to go to medical school?
A: To become a first aid kit

Q: What is a cat’s favorite school subject?
A: HISStory.

Q: What should you say to your cat when you leave for school in the morning?
A: Have a mice day.

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Q: Where did the kittens go for their school field trip?
A. The mewseum.

Q: Why was the cat so crabby at school?
A: He was in a bad mewd.

Q: Why do cats do so well in music class?
A: Because they’re very mewsical.

Q: How can you spell mousetrap using only three letters?
A: C-A-T

Q: Do you know what’s smarter than a counting cat?
A: A spelling bee!

Cat Humor

Q: Why is it so hard for leopards to hide?
A: Because they’re always spotted.

Q: Why don’t cats play Go Fish in Africa?
A: Too many cheetahs.

Q: Can cats give each other high fives?
A: Pawsibly…

Q: Why was the cat so small?
A: Because it only drank condensed milk!

Q: How do you know when a cat is too sensitive?
A: When they cry over spilt milk.

Q: How do you spell cat backwards?
A: C-A-T B-A-C-K-W-A-R-D-S

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Q: What happened when the mama cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
A: She had mittens.

Q: Why don’t cats play cards in the jungle?
A: There are too many cheetahs.

Q: What did the cat say when it met the mouse?
A: Pleased to eat you.

Q: What do you call a cat police force?
A: Claw enforcement.

Q: What do cats do after an argument?
A: They hiss and make up.

Q: What do you call a cat that can convince you of anything?
A: Purrr-suasive.

Q: Why was the cat grouchy?
A: It was in a bad mewed.

Q: What happened when the cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
A: She had mittens.

Q: What do cats wear when they sleep?
A: paw-jamas!

Q: Which vegetable do cats like the most?
A: As-purr-agus.

Q: What is a cat’s favorite cereal?
A: Mice Krispies.

Q: What do you call cats that live in igloos?
A: Eskimeows

Q: If the lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, then what do cats run on?
A: Their paws.

Q: What do cats like to eat on hot days?
A: Mice cream cones.

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: What state has the most cats?
A: Petsylvania

Q: What do you call a cat criminal?
A: A Purr-petrator

Q: Why was the cat grouchy?
A: Bad mewed.

Q: Where can your cat sit, but you can’t?
A: Your lap.

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Cat Puns

Q: What kind of yard work do cats like the most?
A: Meowing the lawn.

Q: Why did the cat cross the road
A: It was the chicken’s day off.

Q: How many cats can you put into an empty box?
A: Only one because then the box isn’t empty anymore.

Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with Kris Kringle?
A: Santa Claws.

Q: Why did the cat run away from the tree?
A: It was afraid of the bark!

Q: Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane?
A: Kitty-hawk

Q: What did the cat say to the dog?
A: Meow.

Q: What did the cat say when the dog ate it’s food?
A: You gotta be kitten me…

Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a rug?
A: A car-pet

Q: Who was the most powerful Chinese cat?
A: Chairman Meow.

Q: What did the space alien say to the cat?
A: Take me to your litter.

Q: Which kinds of cats like bowling?
A. Alley cats

Q: What are caterpillars scared of?
A: Doger-pillars!

Q: Why do cats sleep all day?
A: Because they can.

Q: What happens when you give a cat a Rubik’s cube?
A: It gets purr-plexed.

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: What do cats read in the morning?
A. The mewspaper

Q: What do you call an oil painting of a kitten?
A: A paw-trait

Q: Why are desert cats so popular at Christmas?
A: Because they have sandy claws.

Q: What do they call it when a cat wins a dog contest?
A: A cat-has-trophy

Q: Why are cats such terrible story tellers?
A. Because they have only one tail.

cat-open-can-joke

Q: How is wet cat food priced?
A: Purr can

Q: Why do cats make the best pets?
A: Because they are purr-fect

Q: What do you call a cat walking in the snow?
A: A cool cat.

Q: Why are cats so good at video games?
A: Because they start with nine lives!

Q: Why was the cat so tiny?
A: It only drank condensed milk.

Cat Riddles

Q: What type of cat has eight legs and loves to swim?
A: An octopuss

Q: Why don’t you need a license for a cat?
A: Because they can’t drive.

Q: What color do cats like the most?
A. Purrr-ple

Q: What game did the cat like to play with the mouse?
A. Catch

Q: What was the cat’s favorite song?
A: Three Blind Mice.

Q: Why is it so hard for a ocicat to hide?
A. Because it’s always spotted.

Q: What happens when a cat drinks vinegar?
A: You get a sourpuss

Q: What is a cat’s favorite thing to watch on TV?
A: The evening mews.

Q: What is a cat’s favorite brand of car?
A: The Catillac.

Q: What do you call a loving cat bite?
A: A cat nip

Q: Why did the cat eat a plate of cheese?
A: So he could wait by the mouse hole with baited breath.

Q: What do you call a cat after it sucked on a lemon?
A: A sour puss

Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a bird?
A: Shredded tweet

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Q: During which month do cats meow the least often? A: February, because it’s the shortest month.

Q: What did the mouse say when the cat grabbed his tail?
A: That’s the end of me.

Q: What do you get if cross a Pekingese with a Tomcat?
A: A Peking Tom

Q: What do cats use to make their coffee?
A: A purr-colator.

Q: What do you call a cat that ate a whole duck?
A: A duck-filled fatty puss.

Q: What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?
A: An eskimew.

Q: What do you call a cat wearing shoes?
A: Puss in boots

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: What’s another name for a Siberian cat??
A: Eskimeow.

Q: During what kind of weather is a veteranarian the busiest?
A: When it’s raining cats and dogs!

Q: What do you do with a blue Burmese cat?
A: Try and cheer it up a bit

Q: What do you use to style your cat’s hair?
A: A catacomb.

Q: If the cat could jump five feet high, then why couldn’t it jump through a three foot high window?
A: The window was closed!

Q: What do cat actors say on stage?
A: Tabby or not tabby, that is the question.

Kitten Jokes

Q: What do kittens call a bowl of mice?
A: A purrfect meal

Q: What is a kitten’s favorite birthday party game?
A: Mews-ical chairs

Q: What do kittens wear?
A: Dia-purrs

Q: What do kittens like to eat on hot days?
A: Mice cream cones.

Q: If lights run on electricity and buses run on gas, what do kittens run on?
A: Their paws.

Q: What does a kitten do when it gets mad? ?
A: It has a hissy fit.

Q: During which month do kittens meow the least often?
A: February, because it’s the shortest month.

Q: When is it bad luck for a black cat to follow you?
A: When you’re a mouse.

Q: Which type of cat purrs more than any other?
A: Purrsians!

Q: What did one cat say to the other?
A: Have you heard the mews today?

Q: What do you call a statue of a cat?
A: A caterpillar

Q: What do you call a cat that digs on the beach?
A: Sandy Claws.

Q: What do you use to style your cat’s hair?
A: A catacomb.

Q: What grade did the cat get on his math test?
A: A Purrrr-fect score!

Q: What happened when the alley cat went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show

Q: What is a cat’s favorite musical?
A: The Sound of Mewsic.

Q: What do you call a cat burglar?
A: A purr-petrator.

Q: What is a favorite cat tale?
A: The Tortoise and the Hairball

Q: What is another name for a cat’s apartment?
A: A scratch pad.

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: What kind of cats have the nicest sounding purr?
A: Purr-sians!

Q: What award do cat journalists earn?
A: The Purr-litzer prize.

Q: What is the difference between a comma and a cat?
A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

Q: What is the title of the unauthorized autobiography of the Cat in the Hat?
A: Hiss and Tell.

Q: What kind of cat should you take into battle?
A: A first aid kitty

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: Why did the cat run away from the tree?
A: Because it was afraid of the bark.

Q: What is the cat’s favorite magazine?
A: Good Mousekeeping.

Q: What kind of cat helps keep your grass trimmed?
A: A lawn meower.

Q: Why are cats longer at night than they are in the morning?
A: Because they’re let out at night and taken in in the morning.

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Q: What do baby cats wear? A: Dia-purrs

Q: What newspapers do cats read? ?
A: The Daily Mews.

Q: Which side of the cat has the most fur?
A: The outside.

Q: What sport do cats play?
A: Hairball

Q: Why did the cat sleep under the old bus?
A: So he would wake up oily.

Q: What’s kind of cat causes the most problems?
A: A catastrophe

Q: What time is it when 10 cats chase a mouse? ?
A: It’s 10 after 1.

Q: What works at a circus, can walk a tightrope and has claws?
A: An acrocat

Q: If a small cat is a itty bitty kitty, then what is an overweight cat called??
A: A flabby tabby.

Q: Who helped Cinderella’s cat go to the ball?
A: Her furry godmother.

Q: Why do so many people love cats?
A: They think they’re purrrr-fect.

Q: How many cats can you put into a kennel cage?
A: Only one. After that, the cage isn’t empty.

Q: Why are cats easier to take care of than babies?
A: Because you only have to clean a litter box once a day.

Q: Why did the judge put the cat in jail?
A: He was guilty of purrjury.

Halloween Jokes on your Phone or Device

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