Looking for funny Seattle Seahawks Jokes? These are the best Seahawks jokes you’ll find anywhere.
Not only are these Seattle Seahawks Jokes funny, but they are clean and safe for kids of all ages.
Are the Seahawks making the playoffs this year? Are they making a run for the Superbowl? These Seahawks football jokes are especially great for parents, teachers, children, Eagles fans, people from Seattle and Washington, football fans and coaches – but they are fun for everyone.
Seattle Seahawks Jokes
Q: What does every Seattle Seahawks player do on their birthday?
A: They get older!
Q: What did the Seahawks quarterback say after he got sacked by a Bronco?
A. Help – I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.
Q: What are Seahawks players always looking up to?
A. The Giants!
Q: Why do the Seahawks draft ballet dancers as their kickers?
A: They know how to split the uprights!
Q: What’s the difference between an Seahawks fan and a puppy?
A: The puppy eventually grows up and stops whining.
Q: What do Seahawks fans and horse flies have in common?
A: They’re both annoying.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Tess me.
Tess me who?
Tess me the football Sam!
Q: Why do Seahawks players get so many penalties?
A: Because they FLY off the handle so much.
Q: Which Seahawks player wears the biggest cleats?
A: The one with the biggest feet!
Q: Why did Cooper Kupp get heartburn after eating birthday cake?
A: He forgot to take off the candles.
Q: Why do Seahawks players have such nich gardens?
A: They have green thumbs.
Q. Why did Kenneth Walker bring string to the game?
A: Just in case he needed to tie the score
Q. What runs around Lumen Field but never moves?
A: A wall
Q: Why upsets Sam Darnold most when he plays the Broncos?
A: Too much horse play on the field.
Q: Why was Jaxon Smith-Njigba nicknamed “Bad News?”
A: Everyone knows that bad news travels fast.
Q: How do the Seahawks hire their players?
A: With two pairs of stilts.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about being a Seattle quarterback?
A: The ground.
Q: What’s as big as Charles Cross, but weighs nothing?
A: His shadow.
Q. What’s the difference between Rashid Shaheed and a duck?
A. One goes quick and the other goes quack.
Q: What did the Seahawks fan do when his team won the Super Bowl?
A: He turned off his XBox.
Q: What are successful Seahawks kickers always trying to do?
A: Reach goals.
Q: Who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A: Mike Macdonald – coach of the Seahawks football team
Q: Why did the Seahawks football players cry when they lost?
A: They’re a bawl club.
Q. How are the Seahawks running backs like your messy neighbors?
A. They can’t pick up the yard!
Q: Who did the Seattle Seahawks zombie team play during preseason?
A: The DEADskins.
Q: How did Russell Wilson (famous Seahawks quarterback) know he was about to get sacked in Chicago?
A: He heard them BEARING down on him.
Q: What is harder for a Seahawks receiver to catch the faster he runs?
A: His breath!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hanna.
Hanna who?
Hanna ball off to me Sam!
Q: What do Seattle Seahawks players lose in the dark?
A. Their shadows.
Q: What can Seattle Seahawks players catch at Mile High Stadium?
A: Bronco-itis
Q: What did the Seattle Seahawks think about their new stadium lights?
A: They gave it GLOWING reviews.
Q: Why doesn’t Spokane have a professional football team?
A: Because then Seattle would want one too!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Howey.
Howey who?
Howey run so fast?
Q: What did Jake Bobo say to the football before the game?
A: Catch you later.
Q: Did you hear about the joke that Sam Darnold told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.
Q: What do Seahawks players do when they get overheated?
A: They get closer to the fans.
Q: Why can’t Sam Darnold use his phone?
A: Because he can’t find the receiver.
Q: Why did the Seahawks quarterback Sam Darnold make his bed out of straw?
A: To feed his night mares (about getting sacked!)
Q: What’s the difference between the Seattle Seahawks and the Seattle Kraken?
A: The Kraken score more.
Q. How are the Seattle Seahawks like lazy neighbors?
A. They rarely pick up a yard.
Q: Where do Seahawk football players dance?
A: At a foot ball!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Uriah.
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball Cooper Kupp!
Q: What’s the difference between the Seattle Seahawks and a dollar bill?
A: You can always get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: When should Seattle Seahawks football players wear armor?
A: When they play knight games.
Q: What is as big as a Seattle Seahawks center, but weighs nothing?
A: His shadow.
Q: What do you get when you cross Sam Darbold with a carpet?
A: A throw rug.
Q: What’s the difference between the Seattle Seahawks and water?
A: Water runs.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hans.
Hans who?
Hans to the face is a penalty Leonard Williams!
Q: What is the difference between a Seattle Seahawks fan and a baby?
A: Babies stop crying after awhile.
Q: Why did Boye Mafe go to the bank?
A: To get a quarter back.
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Seattle Seahawks.
Q: Which Seattle Seahawks player wears the biggest helmet?
A: The one with the biggest head.
Q: What do you call a Seattle Seahawks player at the Super Bowl?
A: A spectator.
Q: What does the Seattle Seahawks coach and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither delivers on a Sunday.
Q: Why shouldn’t toddlers wear Seattle Seahawks jerseys?
A: Too much of a choking hazard.
Q: According to a new poll 95 percent of people love Sundays.
A: The other 5 percent are Seattle Seahawks fans.
Q: How do Seattle Seahawks players stay cool?
A: By standing close to the fans.
Q: Where should you go if you are scared of catching a cold?
A: The Seattle Seahawks end zone – they don’t catch anything there.
Q: What do quarterbacks call Seattle Seahawks defensive linemen heading their way?
A: They don’t call them anything – they just run!
Q: Why are centipedes not allowed to play for the Seahawks?
A: It takes too long to put their cleats on.
Q: How do you hire a Seattle Seahawks punter?
A: By putting him on stilts.
Q: What’s a touchdown?
A: I’m not sure – I’m a Seattle Seahawks fan.
Q: What did DeMarcus Lawrence have stuck in his teeth?
A: A quarterback!
Q: How do you keep a Seattle Seahawks player out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: What do Seattle Seahawks receivers and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither is open on Sundays!
Q: What’s the best way to teach your dog to roll over?
A: Have him watch the Seattle Seahawks defense play a game.
Q: What do you call a Seattle Seahawks player at the Superbowl?
A: Lost.
Q. Why do ducks fly over Lumens Field with their eyes closed?
A. There’s nothing worth seeing!
Q: What’s the difference between Seattle Seahawks fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: What kind of pastry did Russell Wilson give away?
A: Turnovers!
Q: What kind of tea do Seattle Seahawks football players drink?
A: Penaltea
Q: How are scrambled eggs like Seattle Seahawks safeties?
A: They’re both beaten.
Q: Why is it always warmer at Lumen Field after the game?
A: All the fans have left.
Q: What happens to Seattle Seahawks players who go blind?
A: They become referees.
Q: Which Seahawks player can jump higher than a house?
A: All of them – houses can’t jump at all.
Q: Where did Zach Charbonnet like to eat before an Seahawks game?
A: Fast food restaurants (because he’s fast).
Q: Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the Seattle Seahawks football team?
A: They needed a little team spirit.
Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play football for the Seattle Seahawks?
A: It was a boxer.
Q: Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a Lumen Field?
A: Under the ghoul posts!
Q: Why did the football quit playing with the Seahawks?
A: It was tired of being kicked around.
Q: Why doesn’t the Seahawks football team have a website?
A: They can’t string three W’s together.
