Hilarious collection of jokes about school and various school subjects.

This collection of jokes about school have a little something for everyone. History jokes, math jokes, jokes about teachers and more. Perfect for parents, teachers, counselors – and children of all ages.

The school jokes here are clean and safe for everyone. Funny jokes for back to school or anytime!

## Jokes About School for Kids

Q: Where do people learn to make ice cream?

A: In sundae school.

Q: Why did the knight run around shouting for a can opener?

A: He had a bee in his suit of armour.

Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?

A: Because there were so many knights.

Q: What was Camelot?

A: A place where people parked their camels

Q: When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?

A: Because there are no pupils to see.

Q: How did Vikings communicate?

A: By norse code.

Q: What is a forum?

A: Two-um plus two-um.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?

A: He wanted the lesson to be very clear.

Science Teacher: Who can tell me what an atom is?

Student: The guy who went out with Eve.

Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?

Student: I suspect it’s around Hadrian’s garden…

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbor?

Student: Because it can’t sit down.

Q: Who is your best friend at school?

A: Your princi-PAL.

Q: Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?

A: Because he only had one pupil.

Q: Why was the student’s report card wet?

A: Because it was below C level.

Q: What is the only grade level you can plant a flower in?

A: Kindergarden.

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?

A: Because 7 8 9.

Q: What flies around the school at night?

A: The alpha-bat.

Q: What is a teacher’s three favorite words?

A: June, July & August.

Q: What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?

A: A teapot.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What room can a student never enter?

A: A Mushroom.

Q: What letter is found in a cup?

A: T.

Q: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?

A: She couldn’t control her pupils.

Q: Why did the teacher marry the janitor?

A: Because he swept her off her feet.

Q: Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school?

A: Because they’re all in High School.

Q: What’s the difference between a teacher and a steam train?

A: The first says “Spit out that chewing gum” and the second says “chew chew.”

Boy: Today my teacher yelled at me for something I didn’t do.

Mother: What was that?

Boy: My homework.

Q: What has 3 feet and no legs?

A: A yardstick.

Q: What is white when its dirty and black when its clean?

A: A blackboard.

Q: Why did the teacher jump into the pond?

A: To test the waters.

Teacher: Why is your homework in your father’s handwriting?

Student: I used his pen.

Q: Name two days of the week that start with “t”?

A: Today and Tomorrow.

Q: Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?

A: He wanted the lesson to be very clear.

Q: You’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet?

A: But these are the only feet I’ve got.

Q: What school supply is always tired?

A: A knapsack.

Q: Why is the letter A like a flower?

A: Because a “B” always comes after it.

Q: Could you please pay a little attention?

A: But I’m paying as little attention as I can.

Q: How can you spell enemy with three letters?

A: F-o-e

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Teacher: I see you missed a day of school.

Student: Yes, but I didn’t miss it much.

Q: What’s the longest word in the alphabet?

A: Elemeno!

Q: Who are the smartest letters in the alphabet

A: Wise (y’s)

## Math Jokes for Kids

Q: What do mathematicians eat on Halloween?

A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q: Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?

A: Because it improves di-vison.

Q: Why did the math book look so sad?

A: Because it had so many problems..

Q: What geometric figure is like a lost parrot?

A: A polygon.

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin pi

Q: Why do plants hate math?

A: Because it gives them square roots.

Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?

A: Nice belt. (look at the number 8)

Q: Why did the boy eat his math homework?

A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Q: Have you heard the latest statistics joke?

A: Probably.

Q: What did the acorn say when it grew up?

A: Gee, I’m a tree. (geometry)

Q: What was T. rex’s favorite number?

A: Eight (ate)

Q: What do you call an empty parrot cage?

A: Polygon.

Q: What snakes are good at doing sums?

A: Adders (the sum is what you get when you add numbers)

Q: How can you make time fly?

A: Throw a clock out the window.

Q: Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?

A: They already 8 (ate).

Teacher: What’s 2 and 2?

Student: 4

Teacher: That’s good.

Student: Good? That’s perfect!

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Algy

Algy who?

Algy-bra

Q: Why did the teacher write the math problem on the window?

A: He wanted it to be very clear.

Q: Do you know a statistics joke?

A: Probably, but it’s mean

Q: Why was the math book sad?

A: Because it had too many problems

Q: What kind of meals do math teachers eat?

A: Square meals

Q: Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?

A: The teacher told him not to use tables.

Q: What is a mathematician’s favorite dessert?

A: Pi

Q: How can you make seven even?

A: Take away the “S”

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?

A: Because it had more cents.

Q: What kind of meals do math teachers eat?

A: Square meals!

Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?

A: Summer.

Q: Why didn’t the two 4’s want to eat dinner?

A: Because they already 8.

Q: Why did the student do her multiplication on the floor?

A: Because she wasn’t allowed to use tables.

Q. What U.S. state has the most maths teachers?

A. Mathachussets.

Q. What did the triangle say to the circle?

A: You’re pointless.

Q. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

A: Because then it would be a foot.

Q. Heard about the mathematical plant?

A. It has square roots.

Q. What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a clock?

A. Mathema-ticks.

Q: What do you call numbera that can’t stay still?

A: Roamin’ numerals.

Q. Matt had 60 cookies. He ate 30 of them. What does he have now?

A tummy ache.

Q: What was the caterpillar’s favorite school subject?

A: Mothematics.

Q. What did the circle say to the rectangle?

A: You’re such a square.

Q. What’s the king of the pencil case?

A. The ruler.

Q. Which tables don’t students need to study?

A. Dinner tables.

Q. What did the math book say to the psychiatrist?

A: Please help me, I have problems.

Q. What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a tree?

A. Arithma-sticks.

Q. Why was the obtuse angle so upset?

A: Because it was never right.

Q. Why was the warlock so bad at math?

A: He never knew WITCH equation to use.

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q. What did the algebra book say to the science book?

A: Boy, do I have problems!

Q. What did the math book say to the history book?

A: You know you can count on me.

Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite season?

A: Sum-mer.

Q. What number can only go up?

A: Your age.

Q. What did the square say to the old circle?

A: Been around long?

Q. Why couldn’t the 6 and 11 get married?

A: They were under 18.

Q. What is heavier, a pound of feathers or a pound of cotton?

A: Neither, they both weight a pound.

Q. Why shouldn’t you say 288 in school?

A: Because it’s two gross. (Hint: 144 is called a gross)

Q. Where do multiplication problems eat breakfast?

A: At times tables.

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q. Why didn’t the dime roll down the hill with the nickel?

A: Because it had more cents.

Q. Why did the math book get poor grades?

A: It never did it’s own work.

Q. Why did the right triangle put the air conditioner on?

A: Because it was 90 degrees.

Q: If 1 = 5, 2 = 25, 3 = 125, and 4 = 525 – what is 5 equal to?

A: 1

Q. What’s black and white and has lots of problems?

A: A math test.

Q. Why did the boy keep a ruler under his pillow?

A: To see how long he could sleep.

Q. What did the spelling book say to the math book?

A: I know I can count on you.

Q. Why was the geometry book so adorable?

A: Because it had acute angles.

Q. Why did the student eat her math homework?

A: Because she heard it was a piece of cake.

Q. When I ask this question, I want you to answer quickly. How much is 5 plus 3?

A: I said I wanted you to answer “Quickly”

Q. How can you make 1 dime equal 20-cents?

A: By placing it in front of the mirror.

Q. What table can’t you eat at?

A: The multiplication table.

Q. What did the calculator say to the girl?

A: I’ll solve all your problems!

Q. What part of your body solves Math problems?

A: Your add-em’s apple.

Q. What was the weather like when the right angle went swimming?

A: It was 90 degrees.

Q. How many women were born in the year 2008?

A: None, only babies were born?

Q. What do inches follow?

A: The ruler.

Q: What do you get when you add 4 apples and 2 apples?

A: A 2nd grade math problem.

Q. What did the girl say to her math book?

A: Some day, you’re going to have to solve your own problems.

Q. Why is glue bad at Math?

A: It always gets stuck on the problems.

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q. What’s snack is the most popular among teachers in Maine?

A: Whoopie Pi.

Q. Why was the snake so good at math?

A: He was an Adder.

Q.How do you make one vanish?

A. Add a ‘G’ to the beginning and it’s gone.

Q. What tool do you use in math?

A: Multi-plyers.

Q. What kind of tree do math teachers like most?

A: Geome-tree

Q. What did the circle tell on the tangent line?

A: Because it kept touching him.

Q. What is the most popular dessert for teachers in Georgia?

A: Peach pi.

Q. Why was the boy searching for after a rain storm?

A: He heard it rained an inch and three quarters — and was looking for the three quarters!

Q. When is a fraction not a fraction?

A: When it’s a whole.

Q. What gets bigger the more you take away?

A: A hole.

Q. How many times can you take 5 from 25?

A: Once. After that, you would be taking 5 from 20.

Q. If you have 50-cents in one pocket and $1 in the other, what do you have?

A: Enough to buy ice cream.

Q: Why did the two 4’s skip dinner?

A: They already 8.

Q. What is the difference between an old dime and a new nickle?

A: 5 cents.

Q. What are ten things you can always count on?

A: Your fingers.

Q. What do you get when you cross a person with a calculator?

A: Someone you can always count on.

Q. What are 20 things you can always count on?

A: Your fingers and toes.

Q. If 2’s company and 3’s a crowd, the what is 4 and 5?

A: 4 and 5 is 9.

Q. How do a cows add?

A: With cow-culators.

Q: Why don’t you do arithmetic around lions?

A: Because if you add 4 and 4 you get ate.

I ate and ate ’til I got sick on the floor. 8 times 8 is 64. Urrp.

Q: Where do math teachers go on New Year’s Eve?

A: Times Square

Q: Why did the geometry teacher miss class?

A: Because he sprained his angle.

Q. How do cows reach sums?

A: By adding one number to an udder one.

Q: What do you call two friends who love math?

A: Algebros

Q. How many seconds are there in a year?

A: 12 – January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q. Why was 8 not friends with 3?

A: Because 3 was odd.