Hilarious collection of jokes about school and various school subjects.

Q: Where do people learn to make ice cream?

A: In sundae school.

Q: Why did the knight run around shouting for a can opener?

A: He had a bee in his suit of armour.

Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?

A: Because there were so many knights.

Q: What was Camelot?

A: A place where people parked their camels

Q: When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?

A: Because there are no pupils to see.

Q: How did Vikings communicate?

A: By norse code.

Q: What is a forum?

A: Two-um plus two-um.

Q: Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?

A: He wanted the lesson to be very clear.

Science Teacher: Who can tell me what an atom is?

Student: The guy who went out with Eve.

Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?

Student: I suspect it’s around Hadrian’s garden…

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbor?

Student: Because it can’t sit down.

Q: Who is your best friend at school?

A: Your princi-PAL.

Q: Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?

A: Because he only had one pupil.

Q: Why was the student’s report card wet?

A: Because it was below C level.

Q: What is the only grade level you can plant a flower in?

A: Kindergarden.

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?

A: Because 7 8 9.

Q: What flies around the school at night?

A: The alpha-bat.

Q: What is a teacher’s three favorite words?

A: June, July & August.

Q: What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?

A: A teapot.

Q: What room can a student never enter?

A: A Mushroom.

Q: What letter is found in a cup?

A: T.

Q: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?

A: She couldn’t control her pupils.

Q: Why did the teacher marry the janitor?

A: Because he swept her off her feet.

Q: Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school?

A: Because they’re all in High School.

Q: What’s the difference between a teacher and a steam train?

A: The first says “Spit out that chewing gum” and the second says “chew chew.”

Boy: Today my teacher yelled at me for something I didn’t do.

Mother: What was that?

Boy: My homework.

Q: What has 3 feet and no legs?

A: A yardstick.

Q: What is white when its dirty and black when its clean?

A: A blackboard.

Q: Why did the teacher jump into the pond?

A: To test the waters.

Teacher: Why is your homework in your father’s handwriting?

Student: I used his pen.

Q: Name two days of the week that start with “t”?

A: Today and Tomorrow.

Q: Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?

A: He wanted the lesson to be very clear.

Q: You’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet?

A: But these are the only feet I’ve got.

Q: What school supply is always tired?

A: A knapsack.

Q: Why is the letter A like a flower?

A: Because a “B” always comes after it.

Q: Could you please pay a little attention?

A: But I’m paying as little attention as I can.

Q: How can you spell enemy with three letters?

A: F-o-e

Teacher: I see you missed a day of school.

Student: Yes, but I didn’t miss it much.

Q: What’s the longest word in the alphabet?

A: Elemeno!

Q: Who are the smartest letters in the alphabet

A: Wise (y’s)

## Math Jokes for Kids

What do mathematicians eat on Halloween?

Pumpkin Pi.

Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?

Because it improves di-vison.

Why did the math book look so sad?

Because it had so many problems..

What geometric figure is like a lost parrot?

A polygon.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

Why do plants hate math?

Because it gives them square roots.

What does the zero say to the the eight?

Nice belt. (look at the number 8)

Why did the boy eat his math homework?

Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Have you heard the latest statistics joke?

Probably.

What did the acorn say when it grew up?

Gee, I’m a tree. (geometry)

What was T. rex’s favorite number?

Eight (ate)

What do you call an empty parrot cage?

Polygon.

What snakes are good at doing sums?

Adders (the sum is what you get when you add numbers)

How can you make time fly?

Throw a clock out the window.

Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?

They already 8 (ate).

Teacher: What’s 2 and 2?

Student: 4

Teacher: That’s good.

Student: Good? That’s perfect!

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Algy

Algy who?

Algy-bra

Q: Why did the teacher write the math problem on the window?

A: He wanted it to be very clear.

Q: Do you know a statistics joke?

A: Probably, but it’s mean

Q: Why was the math book sad?

A: Because it had too many problems

Q: What kind of meals do math teachers eat?

A: Square meals

Q: Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?

A: The teacher told him not to use tables.

Q: What is a mathematician’s favorite dessert?

A: Pi

Q: How can you make seven even?

A: Take away the “S”

Q: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?

A: Because it had more cents.

Q: What kind of meals do math teachers eat?

A: Square meals!

Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?

A: Summer.

Q: Why didn’t the two 4’s want to eat dinner?

A: Because they already 8.

Q: Why did the student do her multiplication on the floor?

A: Because she wasn’t allowed to use tables.

Q. What U.S. state has the most maths teachers?

A. Mathachussets.

More Jokes Continue Below

Q. What did the triangle say to the circle?

A: You’re pointless.

Q. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

A: Because then it would be a foot.

Q. Heard about the mathematical plant?

A. It has square roots.

Q. What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a clock?

A. Mathema-ticks.

Q: What do you call numbera that can’t stay still?

A: Roamin’ numerals.

Q. Matt had 60 cookies. He ate 30 of them. What does he have now?

A tummy ache.

Q: What was the caterpillar’s favorite school subject?

A: Mothematics.

Q. What did the circle say to the rectangle?

A: You’re such a square.

Q. What’s the king of the pencil case?

A. The ruler.

Q. Which tables don’t students need to study?

A. Dinner tables.

Q. What did the math book say to the psychiatrist?

A: Please help me, I have problems.

Q. What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a tree?

A. Arithma-sticks.

Q. Why was the obtuse angle so upset?

A: Because it was never right.

Q. Why was the warlock so bad at math?

A: He never knew WITCH equation to use.

Q. What did the algebra book say to the science book?

A: Boy, do I have problems!

Q. What did the math book say to the history book?

A: You know you can count on me.

Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite season?

A: Sum-mer.

Q. What number can only go up?

A: Your age.

Q. What did the square say to the old circle?

A: Been around long?

Q. Why couldn’t the 6 and 11 get married?

A: They were under 18.

Q. What is heavier, a pound of feathers or a pound of cotton?

A: Neither, they both weight a pound.

Q. Why shouldn’t you say 288 in school?

A: Because it’s two gross. (Hint: 144 is called a gross)

Q. Where do multiplication problems eat breakfast?

A: At times tables.

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q. Why didn’t the dime roll down the hill with the nickel?

A: Because it had more cents.

Q. Why did the math book get poor grades?

A: It never did it’s own work.

Q. Why did the right triangle put the air conditioner on?

A: Because it was 90 degrees.

Q: If 1 = 5, 2 = 25, 3 = 125, and 4 = 525 – what is 5 equal to?

A: 1

Q. What’s black and white and has lots of problems?

A: A math test.

Q. Why did the boy keep a ruler under his pillow?

A: To see how long he could sleep.

Q. What did the spelling book say to the math book?

A: I know I can count on you.

Q. Why was the geometry book so adorable?

A: Because it had acute angles.

Q. Why did the student eat her math homework?

A: Because she heard it was a piece of cake.

Q. When I ask this question, I want you to answer quickly. How much is 5 plus 3?

A: I said I wanted you to answer “Quickly”

Q. How can you make 1 dime equal 20-cents?

A: By placing it in front of the mirror.

Q. What table can’t you eat at?

A: The multiplication table.

Q. What did the calculator say to the girl?

A: I’ll solve all your problems!

Q. What part of your body solves Math problems?

A: Your add-em’s apple.

Q. What was the weather like when the right angle went swimming?

A: It was 90 degrees.

Q. How many women were born in the year 2008?

A: None, only babies were born?

Q. What do inches follow?

A: The ruler.

Q: What do you get when you add 4 apples and 2 apples?

A: A 2nd grade math problem.

Q. What did the girl say to her math book?

A: Some day, you’re going to have to solve your own problems.

Q. Why is glue bad at Math?

A: It always gets stuck on the problems.

Q. What’s snack is the most popular among teachers in Maine?

A: Whoopie Pi.

Q. Why was the snake so good at math?

A: He was an Adder.

Q.How do you make one vanish?

A. Add a ‘G’ to the beginning and it’s gone.

Q. What tool do you use in math?

A: Multi-plyers.

Q. What kind of tree do math teachers like most?

A: Geome-tree

Q. What did the circle tell on the tangent line?

A: Because it kept touching him.

Q. What is the most popular dessert for teachers in Georgia?

A: Peach pi.

Q. Why was the boy searching for after a rain storm?

A: He heard it rained an inch and three quarters — and was looking for the three quarters!

Q. When is a fraction not a fraction?

A: When it’s a whole.

Q. What gets bigger the more you take away?

A: A hole.

Q. How many times can you take 5 from 25?

A: Once. After that, you would be taking 5 from 20.

Q. If you have 50-cents in one pocket and $1 in the other, what do you have?

A: Enough to buy ice cream.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: Why did the two 4’s skip dinner?

A: They already 8.

Q. What is the difference between an old dime and a new nickle?

A: 5 cents.

Q. What are ten things you can always count on?

A: Your fingers.

Q. What do you get when you cross a person with a calculator?

A: Someone you can always count on.

Q. What are 20 things you can always count on?

A: Your fingers and toes.

Q. If 2’s company and 3’s a crowd, the what is 4 and 5?

A: 4 and 5 is 9.

Q. How do a cows add?

A: With cow-culators.

Q: Why don’t you do arithmetic around lions?

A: Because if you add 4 and 4 you get ate.

I ate and ate ’til I got sick on the floor. 8 times 8 is 64. Urrp.

Q: Where do math teachers go on New Year’s Eve?

A: Times Square

Q: Why did the geometry teacher miss class?

A: Because he sprained his angle.

Q. How do cows reach sums?

A: By adding one number to an udder one.

Q: What do you call two friends who love math?

A: Algebros

Q. How many seconds are there in a year?

A: 12 – January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…

Q. Why was 8 not friends with 3?

A: Because 3 was odd.