Pirate Jokes for Kids

Ahoy thar matey! If yee be looking for the best pirate jokes, then here they arrrrrrrrr.

pirate-jokes-parrot
Q: What was the parrot’s favorite game? A: Hide and speak.

This is the best collection of funny pirate jokes anywhere! These jokes about pirates are great for parents, teachers, Pittsburgh Pirate fans, coaches, babysitters and kids of all ages.

Throwing a kids pirate party? These clean pirate jokes will bring lots of smiles and laughs to your pirate party. Are you a fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates? Then check out our Pittsburgh Pirates Jokes.

Did you know…

One reason pirates wore eye patches was to help keep one eye adjusted to the dark for seeing below deck. The skull and crossbones flag used on pirate ships is called a Jolly Roger.

Pirate Jokes

Q: Why was it so hard to call the pirate on the phone?
A: Because he left the phone off the hook.

Q: Why do pirates love Thanksgiving?
A: That get to carrrrrve the turkey.

Q: Where do pirates like to shop?
A: They are easy tarrrrrrget.

Q: Why instrument did the pirate play in his band?
A: The guitarrrrrr.

Q: Why did the pirate like playing golf?
A: He was always under parrrrrrr.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What exercise do pirates use to tighten their abs?
A: Planks.

Q: What book series do pirates love to read?
A: The Harrrrrrrrdy Boys.

Q: What are the only notes a pirate can sing?
A: High C’s.

Q: Why did the pirate move to Russia?
A: To become a Czarrrrrrr.

Q: Which two football teams played in the pirate superbowl?
A: The Seahawks and the Bucaneers.

Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck.

Q: How much did the pirate’s peg leg and hook cost?
A: An arm and a leg.

Q: what was the pirate’s favorite school subject?
A: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.

Q: What do pirates eat on cold winter nights?
A: Hearrrrrrrrrty stews.

Q: What was the pirate’s favorite U.S state?
A: Arrrrkansas

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite movie?
A: Booty and the Beast.

Q: What job did the pirate have during the winter?
A: He was an arrrrrrrtist.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: Why did the pirate go to acting school?
A: He wanted a parrrrrrt in the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

Q: Where do pirates put their trash?
A: The Garrrrrrrrrrrbage can.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pirate’s parrot with a shark?
A: An animal that can talk your head off.

Q: Why did the pirate give up the game of golf?
A: He kept hooking the ball.

Q: What is a pirates favorite color?
A: Gold!

Q: What do they call a pirate who skips school?
A: Captain Hooky

Q: What do pirates order at Italian restaurants?
A: Chicken Parrrrrmesan with spaghetti.

Q: Which baseball team did Blue Beard play for?
A: The Pittsburg Pirates.

Q: Where do pirates park their ships
A: In the harrrrrrbor.

Q: Which fish do pirates love the most?
A: Swordfish.

Q: How much do pirates charge to pierce someone’s ears?
A: A buck an ear.

Still More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: What the worst thing about cleaning a pirate ship?
A: The barrrrrrnacles.

Q: What restaurant do pirates like to eat at the most?
A: The Harrrrrrd Rock Cafe.

Q: How much does a pirate’s treasure cost?
A: An arm and a leg.

Arrrrrrrr you ready for more funny pirate jokes?

pirate-jokes-dog
Q: What was the name of the pirate’s spotted dog? A: Patches.

Q: Which pirate movies can’t kids go to see?
A: The ones that are rated Arrrrrrrr.

Q: Where do pirates go for their haircuts?
A: To the barrrrrber.

Q: What was the pirate’s favorite mode of land transportation?
A: Carrrrrrr.

Q: How do you save a drowning pirate?
A: With C-P-ARRRRRRRRR.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What do you call a pirate’s hair style?
A: A crew cut

Q: How did the pirate become a lawyer?
A: He passed the barrrrrrr exam.

Q: What do pirate put on their toast?
A: Jelly Roger.

Q: Which restaurant did the bucaneer go out to for dinner?
A: Long John Silver’s.

Q: Which letter do pirates like best?
A: Arrrrrrrr.

Q: What did the pirate say during the winter storm?
A: Thar she snows!

Q: What was the pirate’s second job?
A: an arrrrrrchitect.

Q: Why should you never take a pea from a pirate?
A: He becomes irate.

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite punch?
A: Left hook.

Q: What is a pirates favorite doll?
A: Barrrrrrrrrrbie.

Q: Which football team did Black Beard play for?
A: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Q: Which Star Wars character do pirates like the most?
A: Aarrrrggh-2-D-2

Q: What was the pirate captain’s favorite restaurant?
A: Jolly Roger

Q: Which country do pirates like most?
A: Aaarrrgh-entina

Q: What do pirates do on Black Friday?
A: Shop the sails.

Q: What are a pirate’s favorite letters of the alphabet?
A: Arrrrrrr and Sea (R and C)

Ahoy there! You’ve made it farrrrrrr through our pirate jokes…

pirate-jokes-crossbones
Q: Why are pirates called pirates? A: Just ’cause they arrrrrr.

Q: Why did the pirate go on vacation?
A: To get some ARRRR and ARRRR.

Q: What do pirates think happens at the end of time?
A: Arrrrmageddon.

Q: Where do pirates buy pencils and sketch pads?
A: The arrrrrrrt store.

Q: Which fast food restaurant do pirates like the most?
A: Arrrrrr-by’s

Q: What game did the pirate’s parrot always want to play?
A: Hide and speak.

Q: What soda do pirate’s always drink?
A: Arrrrrrr Sea cola (RC Cola)

Q: What did the pirate’s parrot say when it fell in love with a duck?
A: Polly wants a quacker.

Q: What style of food do pirates like the most?
A: Barrrrrrrr-B-Que.

Q: What kind of socks do pirates wear?
A: Arrrrgghyle socks.

Q: What is a buccaneer?
A: A high price to pay for corn.

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: What job did the pirate have after he retired?
A: He became an arrrrrrchitect

Q: Where do pirates put their cars while they’re sailing?
A: A parrrrrrrrrking lot

Q: What do you call a pirate with three eyes?
A: A piiirate

Q: Where do pirates keep their cookies?
A: The cookie jarrrrrrr.

Q: How do pirates make their money?
A: By hook or by crook.

Q: What are pirate children afraid of?
A: The darrrrrrrrrrk.

Q: What do pirates do for fun?
A: Have parrrrrrrrrties.

Q: What was the name of Blackbeard’s wife?
A: Peg.

Q: What is a buccaneer?
A: A high price to pay for corn.

Q: Why did the pirate cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop.

Q: Why was the pirate afraid of getting old?
A: He might get arrrrrrthritus.

More hilarious pirate jokes arrrrrrrrr below…

pirate-penguin-joke
Q: What did the pirate penguin say to the parrot? A: Nothing – penguins don’t speak parrot!

Q: Why was the pirate ship so cheap?
A: It was on sail.

Q: What does a gourmet pirate add to the plate to make it look nice?
A: A Garrrrrrr-nish.

Q: Why are pirates called pirates?
A: Just ’cause they arrrrrr.

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite basketball move?
A: The hook shot.

Q: Which famous pirate caught the most fish?
A: Captain Hook.

Q: What was the pirate’s favorite food?
A: Arrrrrtichokes.

Q: Which famous pirate was always sad?
A: Captain Blue Beard.

Q: What was the name of the pirate’s spotted dog?
A: Patches.

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: What shivers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A nervous wreck

Q: How do pirates get down from a ship’s mast?
A: They can’t – you only get down from a goose.

Q: What did the pirate do the day before Halloween?
A: Mow his front yarrrrrd.

Q: Why didn’t the pirate eat his Halloween candy?
A: He was on a low carrrrrrrrrrrb diet.

Q: Why couldn’t anyone play cards with the pirate captain?
A: He was standing on the deck.

Q: How do you make a pirate mad?
A: Take away the “P”

Q: Where did the pirate put his Halloween decorations?
A: In his front yarrrrrrrd.

Q: Where do pirates keep their Halloween candy?
A: In a Jarrrrrrr.

Q: How did the pirate stop computer hackers?
A: He installed a patch.

Q: How do pirate captains talk to each other?
A: Aye to aye.

Q: Which Halloween candy do pirates like most?
A: Sweet Tarrrrrrrts.

Q: What a pirates afraid of on Halloween?
A: The darrrrrrrk.

Q: Why don’t pirates go trick or treating on Halloween?
A: They arrrrrrrrrr afraid of witches.

Q: What did the ocean say to the pirate?
A: Nothing – it just waved.

Q: Why does it take pirates so long to say the alphabet?
A: They spend years at C.

Q: How do pirates know they’re pirates?
A: They think, therefore they ARRRRRR…

Q: What happened when Bluebeard fell off his ship and into the Red Sea?
A: He got marooned.

Q: Why do pirates always win Halloween dance contests?
A: They know how to shake their booties.

Q: What was the pirate’s favorite Halloween noise maker?
A: Parrrrrrty poppers.

Q: Why are pirate costumes so cool on Halloween?
A: They just arrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Q: What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A: A rookie

Q: What do pirates do after they going trick or treating with the kids?
A: Go to the barrrrr and play carrrrrds.

Q: Why don’t pirates shower before walking the plank?
A: Because they’re just going to wash up on shore later.

Q: Why did the caged pirate dress up as lawyer?
A: To pass through the barrrs.

Q: Why was the pirate friends with Donkey kong?
A: He was barrrrrels of fun.

Q: Where do Pirates call when they break their peg leg?
A: The Carrrrrrpenter.

Q: When do pirate’s buy their Halloween costumes?
A: When they’re on sail.

Q: What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
A: I, I, R and seven C’s

Q: What did the pirate say during a Halloween snow storm?
A: Shiver me timbers.

Q: What has 6 arms, 6 legs and 6 eyes?
A: 6 pirates.

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

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