Looking for funny Indianapolis Colts Jokes? These are the best Colts jokes you’ll find anywhere.
Not only are these Indianapolis Colts jokes funny, but they are clean and safe for kids of all ages.
Are the Colts making the playoffs this year? Are they making a run for the Superbowl? These Colts football jokes are especially great for parents, teachers, children, Indianapolis Colts fans, football fans and coaches – but they are fun for everyone.
Indianapolis Colts Jokes
Q: What do you call an Indianapolis Colts player who can build things?
A: A sawhorse.
Q. What did the Colts quarterback say after he got sacked?
A. Help – I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.
Q: What did the waiter say to the Colts player?
A: Can I get you a stable.
Q: Why was Frank Reich upset with the Colts offense?
A: Too much horse play in the huddle.
Q: What NFL football matchup is always a win-win for horses?
A: Colts vs. Broncos.
Q. How can you tell when Andrew Luck has a sore throat?
A. He’s a little horse.
Q. What do you call a Indianapolis Colts player who lives next door?
A. A neigh-bour.
More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓
Q: How does a Colts quarterback get signals from the sideline?
A: The coach stomps his foot.
Q: What does every Indianapolis Colts player do on their birthday?
A: They get older!
Q: Why do the Indianapolis Colts draft ballet dancers as their kickers?
A: They know how to split the uprights!
Q: What’s the difference between a Colts fan and a puppy?
A: The puppy eventually grows up and stops whining.
Q: How many Indianapolis Colts players does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Only one… but Peyton Manning retired.
Q: What do Colts fans and horse flies have in common?
A: They’re both annoying.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Tess me.
Tess me who?
Tess me the football!
Q: Which Indianapolis Colts player wears the biggest cleats?
A: The one with the biggest feet!
Q: Why did the Indianapolis Colts player get heartburn after eating birthday cake?
A: He forgot to take off the candles.
Q. Why did the kicker for the Indianapolis Colts bring string to the game?
A: Just in case he needed to tie the score
Q. What runs around Lucas Oil Stadium but never moves?
A: A wall
Q: Why was Marlon Mack nicknamed “Bad News?”
A: Everyone knows that bad news travels fast.
More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓
Q: How do the Colts hire their players?
A: With two pairs of stilts.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about being a quarterback?
A: The ground.
Q: What’s as big as Jabaal Sheard, but weighs nothing?
A: His shadow.
Q. What’s the difference between Marlon Mack and a duck?
A. One goes quick and the other goes quack.
Q: What did the Indianapolis Colts fan do when his team won the Super Bowl?
A: He turned off his XBox.
Q: What are successful Indianapolis Colts kickers always trying to do?
A: Reach goals.
Q: Who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A: Frank Reich – coach of the Indianapolis Colts football team
Q: Why did the Indianapolis Colts football players cry when they lost?
A: They’re a bawl club.
Q: Who did the Indianapolis Colts zombie team play during preseason?
A: The DEADskins.
Q: How did Andrew Luck (Indianapolis Colts quarterback) know he was about to get sacked in Chicago?
A: He heard them BEARING down on him.
Q: What is harder for a Indianapolis Colts receiver to catch the faster he runs?
A: His breath!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hanna.
Hanna who?
Hanna ball off to me, Kirk!
Q: What do Indianapolis Colts lose every night?
A. Their shadows.
Q: What can Indianapolis Colts players catch at Mile High Stadium?
A: Bronco-itis
Q: What did the Indianapolis Colts think about their new stadium lights?
A: They gave it GLOWING reviews.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Howey.
Howey who?
Howey run so fast?
Q: What did Ty Hilton say to the football before the game?
A: Catch you later.
Q: Did you hear about the joke that Andrew Luck told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.
More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓
Q: What do Indianapolis Colts players do when they get overheated?
A: They get closer to the fans.
Q: Why can’t Andrew Luck use his phone?
A: Because he can’t find the receiver.
Q: Why did the Indianapolis Colts quarterback make his bed out of straw?
A: To feed his night mares (about getting sacked!)
Q. How are Indianapolis Colts opponents like lazy neighbors?
A. They rarely pick up a yard.
Q: Where do Indianapolis Colts football players dance?
A: At a foot ball!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Uriah.
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball Ryan Grant!
Q: What’s the difference between the Indianapolis Colts and a dollar bill?
A: You can always get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: When should Indianapolis Colts football players wear armor?
A: When they play knight games.
Q: What is as big as a Indianapolis Colts center, but weighs nothing?
A: His shadow.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Indianapolis Colts quarterback with a carpet?
A: A throw rug.
Q: What’s the difference between the Indianapolis Colts and water?
A: Water runs.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hans.
Hans who?
Hans to the face is a penalty.
Q: What is the difference between a Indianapolis Colts fan and a baby?
A: Babies stop crying after awhile.
Q: Why did Darius Leonard go to the bank?
A: To get a quarter back.
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Indianapolis Colts.
Q: Which Indianapolis Colts player wears the biggest helmet?
A: The one with the biggest head.
Q: What do you call an Indianapolis Colts at the Super Bowl?
A: A spectator.
Q: What does a Indianapolis Colts coach and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither delivers on a Sunday.
Q: Why shouldn’t toddlers wear Indianapolis Colts jerseys?
A: Too much of a choking hazard.
Q: According to a new poll 95 percent of people love Sundays.
A: The other 5 percent are Indianapolis Colts fans.
Q: How do Indianapolis Colts players stay cool?
A: By standing close to the fans.
Q: Where should you go if you are scared of catching a cold?
A: The Indianapolis Colts end zone – they don’t catch anything there.
Q: What do quarterbacks call Indianapolis Colts defensive lineman heading their way?
A: They don’t call them anything – they just run!
Q: Why are centipedes not allowed to play for the Indianapolis Colts?
A: It takes too long to put their cleats on.
Q: How do you hire a Indianapolis Colts punter?
A: By putting him on stilts.
Q: What’s a touchdown?
A: I’m not sure – I’m a Indianapolis Colts fan.
Q: What did Jabaal Sheard (Indianapolis Colts Defensive End) have stuck in his teeth?
A: Alex Smith…
More Jokes Below ↓ ↓
Q: What do Indianapolis Colts players wear on halloween?
A: Face Masks!
Q: How do you keep Indianapolis Colts out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: What do Indianapolis Colts receivers and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither is open on Sundays!
Q: What’s the best way to teach your dog to roll over?
A: Have him watch the Indianapolis Colts defense play a game.
Q: What do you call a Indianapolis Colts player at the Superbowl?
A: Lost.
Q: Where do you go in Indianapolis in case of a tornado?
A: Lucas Oil Stadium (Indianapolis Colts Stadium) – they never get a touchdown there!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Lucas Oil Stadium with their eyes closed?
A. There’s nothing worth seeing!
Q: What’s the difference between Indianapolis Colts fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: What kind of pastry did Margus Hunt eat most?
A: Turnovers!
Q: What kind of tea do Indianapolis Colts football players drink?
A: Penaltea
Q: How are scrambled eggs like the Indianapolis Colts?
A: They’re both beaten.
Q: Why does the Indianapolis Colts have the coolest helmets?
A: The one with the most fans.
Q: Why is it always warmer at Lucas Oil Stadium after the game?
A: All the fans have left.
Q: What happens to Indianapolis Colts players who go blind?
A: They become referees.
Q: How do Colts players vote on what plays to run?
A: With a yay or neigh.
Q: Which Indianapolis player can jump higher than a house?
A: All of them – houses can’t jump at all.
Q: How did the Indianapolis Colts know which players were fan favorites?
A: They took a gallop poll.
Q: Where did Marshall Faulk like to eat?
A: Fast food restaurants (because he was very fast).
Q: Where do Colts players get their hair cut?
A: In Maine.
Q: Which football team do horses always cheer for?
A: The Colts.
More Jokes Below ↓ ↓
Q: What kind of stories do depressed Colts players tell?
A: Tails of whoa.
Q: What do you call a well-balanced Colt?
A: Stable.
Q: Which NFL Super Bowl match up caused the most arguments on the ranch?
A: Cowboys vs. Colts.
Q: Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the Indianapolis Colts football team?
A: They needed a little team spirit.
Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play football for the Indianapolis Colts?
A: It was a boxer.
Q: Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a Lucas Oil Stadium?
A: Under the ghoul posts!
Q: Why did the football quit playing with the Indianapolis Colts?
A: It was tired of being kicked around.
Q: Why doesn’t the Indianapolis Colts football team have a website?
A: They can’t string three W’s together.
Q. Where do Colts go when they hurt themselves?
A. The horsepital.
Q: Where do Colts fans shop for clothes?
A: At Old Neighvy.
Q: How do you know that Colts players have negative attitudes?
A: They say neigh to everything.
Q: What did the Colts player grow in his garden?
A: Horse radishes.
Q: How much money do they pay each Colts lineman?
A: A buck.
Q: What did Colts quarterback Andrew Luck’s mom say when it was late at night?
A: It’s pasture your bedtime.
Q: Where do Colts players stay at night when they travel?
A: Red Hoof Inn.
Q: What do they serve in Indianapolis Colts stadium suites?
A: Horse d’oeuvres
Q: How do Colts players get water during a game?
A: A trough.
Q: How do Indianapolis Colts get across the country?
A: Pony Express.
Q: What do you call an ex-Colt who refs football games?
A: A zebra.
Q: Which baseball team frightens Colts the most?
A: Diamondbacks.
Q: What street is Lucas Oil Stadium on?
A: Mane Street.
Q. How do you treat a Colt who has a cold?
A: With cough stirrup.
