Horse jokes for kids and adults? This is the best collection of Clean Horse Jokes that you’ll find anywhere.
Not only are these horse jokes silly and fun, but they are kid friendly and safe for all ages. These funny horse jokes include riddles, puns, one liners and knock knock jokes.
These horse jokes are especially great for parents, horse lovers, teachers, cowboys, ranchers and farmers – but they are fun for everyone who enjoys cowboys, rodeo and horses.
You’ll find the best horse jokes, including colt jokes, mare jokes, foal jokes, race horse jokes and more. You might also be interested in our collection of Cowboy Jokes and Cow Jokes.
Horse Jokes
Q: What do horses see before thunder?
A: Lightning Colts.
Q: What do young horses wrap their food in?
A: Aluminum foal.
Q: Which type of race horses are the deepest thinkers?
A: Thoreau-Breads
Q: How do horses from Alabama greet horses from Ohio?
A: With Southern Horspitality.
Q. What’s do horses play for fun?
A. Stable tennis.
Q: How slow was the race horse?
A: He was so slow that they had to pay the jockey overtime.
Q: What kind of horse do you ride on Halloween?
A: A night mare.
Q: How do you save a horse possessed by an evil spirit?
A: Perform an exhorsist.
Q: Why was the race horse so dirty?
A: It was a mudder.
Q: Why did the man stand behind the horse?
A: He thought he would get a kick out of it.
Q: How do they vote in the horse senate?
A: With a yay or neigh.
Q: Where do newly married horses sleep?
A: In the bridle suite.
Clean Horse Jokes
Q: Why did the horse play his music so loud?
A: He liked being a herd animal.
Q: What did the mother horse say when her sad-looking son walked into the barn?
A: Why the long face?
Q: Where do horses get their hair cut?
A: In Maine.
Q: Which US state do horses like most?
A: Neighbraska.
Q: Why didn’t the stallion show up for his wedding?
A: He got colt feet.
Q: What do you name a horse you root for?
A: You name the horse radish.
Q: Who is in charge of horse town?
A: The Mare. (ie: mayor)
Q: Where did the pony family go for their summer vacation?
A: The Horsea Shore
Q: Which football team do horses always cheer for?
A: The Broncos.
Q: What team of horses travel all around the world?
A: The Globe Trotters.
Q: Who rode a horse up the hill to fetch a pail of water?
A: Jockey and Jill.
Q: Which kind of horse likes to eat baked beans?
A: The pinto. (a 2-toned horse, also a type of bean)
Q: What kind of stories do depressed horses tell?
A: Tails of whoa.
Q: What do you call a well-balanced horse?
A: Stable.
Q. Why did the horse talk while his mouth was full?
A. He had bad stable manners.
Q: When does a horse go to sleep at night?
A: Whinny wants to.
Q: How is an egg like a young horse?
A: You can’t use it until it’s been broken. (broken is used to describe when a horse is trained)
Q: How are clouds like horse jockeys?
A: They both hold the reins.
Q: What was the name of the horse musical?
A: Fiddler on the hoof.
Q: What did the boy say to the teacher during horse riding class?
A: Can I ask equitation?
Q: Which NFL Super Bowl match up caused the most arguments on the ranch?
A: Cowboys vs. Broncos.
Horse Dad Jokes
Q. What’s the difference between a horse and a duck?
A. One goes quick and the other goes quack.
Q: Where do Knights park their horses?
A: In a LanceLot
Q: Why did the man call his horse poison ivy?
A: Because he was scratched so often. (scratch is when a horse it taken out of a race)
Q: What looks like half a horse?
A: The other half!
Q: Which route do crazy horses take through the woods?
A: The psycho-path.
Q: Who is the author of the book “The 200-mile Horse Trek?”
A: Major Bumsore
Q. What’s the favorite part of a horse race for a vampire?
A. When it’s neck and neck.
Q: Who were the two most famous horse theives?
A: Bonnie and Clydesdale.
Q: Which horse can jump higher than a house?
A: All of them – houses can’t jump at all.
Q. Where do horses go when they hurt themselves?
A. The horsepital.
Q: Where do horses shop for clothes?
A: At Old Neighvy.
Q: Which horse is an advocate for horse safety?
A: Ralph Neigh-der.
Q: How do you know when a horse has a negative attitude?
A: He says neigh to everything.
Q: What did the lunch lady say to the horses?
A: Stop horsing around.
Q: How did the horse riding instructor decide to get more customers?
A: He was going to stirrup some interest.
Q: What do you call a witch horse?
A: A nightmare.
Q: Why did the cowboy feed his horse so much hay?
A: He thought it would make it softer to ride on.
Q: Where do race horses eat?
A: Fast food restaurants.
Q: What did the waiter say to the horse?
A: Can I get you a stable.
Q: Which side of a horse has the most hair?
A: The outside.
Q: How did the cowboy know which horse was everyone’s favorite?
A: He took a gallop poll.
Q: What show was the horse actor appearing in?
A: A little horse play.
Q: What NFL football matchup is always a win-win for horses?
A: Broncos vs. Colts.
Q: Why was Dick Clark so popular with horses?
A: He was a disk jockey from Filly.
Q: What did the race horse order from the bakery?
A: Thorough-bread.
Q. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
A. A horse is walking around bare foot.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about riding a horse?
A: The ground.
Q: Who isn’t an upside down horse shoe good luck for?
A: The horse who lost it!
Q: What type of horse has trouble keeping track of it’s Ipad?
A: An Appaloosa.
Q. What do we call a pony who has a sore throat?
A. A little hoarse.
Q. What do you call the horse who lives next door?
A. A neigh-bour.
Q: What do every horse and rider do together?
A: They age.
Q: What happened when the horse swallowed 4 quarters?
A: It bucked.
Q: What did the horse grow in her garden?
A: Horse radishes.
Q: How much money did the rodeo bronco have?
A: A buck.
Q: What did the mommy horse say to her foal?
A: Its pasture your bedtime.
Q: Where do horses stay at night when they travel?
A: Red Hoof Inn.
Q: Which kind of horse swims underwater without having to come up for air?
A: A seahorse.
Q: What do they serve before dinner in the stable?
A: Horse d’oeuvres
Q: What award did they give the horse who could drink the most water?
A: They game him a nice troughy.
Horse One Liners
I was going to ship a small horse using UPS, but decided to use the Pony Express instead.
A race horse who has never won is told by his jockey that if he doesn’t win that day, he’s going to have to start pulling the milk wagon early next morning. When the race begins, the horse is asleep! “Why are you sleeping?” asks the jockey, to which the horse replies, “because I’m going to have to get up early in the morning.”
A man was complaining that he couldn’t tell his two horses apart from each other. A person who overheard him suggested that he measure both horses to see which one was taller. This wouldn’t help him at all, he said, because the brown horse was the same size as the white one…
Horse Riddles
Riddle: What’s as big as a horse, but weighs nothing?
Answer: The horse’s shadow.
Riddle: A man rode his horse into town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How can this be?
Answer: His horse’s name is Friday.
Riddle: Why did the cowboy only wear one spur?
Answer: He figured that if one side of the horse went, the other side would follow!
Q: Why did the horse cross the road?
A: To get to the bale of hay.
Q: What do you call a horse who refs football games?
A: A zebra.
Q: Why did the horse go to the doctor?
A: Hay Fever.
Q: Which baseball team frightens horses the most?
A: The Diamondbacks.
Horse Puns
Q: Why did the horse miss the jousting event?
A: He had the knight off.
Q: What street did the horse live on?
A: Mane Street.
Q: How do you hire a horse?
A: With two pairs of stilts.
Q: Which US state do horses like to go for vacation?
A: Mane.
Q. How do you treat a horse who has a cold?
A: With cough stirrup.
Q: Who helps the horse stable cleaner?
A: His co-pile-it.
Q: What did the horse say in the hundred acre wood?
A: I can’t hear you whinnie!
Q: What do you call an equine carpenter?
A: A sawhorse.
Q: Why was the race horse nicknamed “Bad News?”
A: Everyone knows that bad news travels fast.
Q. What did the horse say after it fell?
A. Help – I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.
Horse Knock Knock Jokes
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Knock Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Knock knock knock knock.
Oh… it’s just a horse counting…
