Valentine’s Day Jokes

This is the best place to find Valentine’s Day jokes that are safe for kids – and funny for everyone.

Leading up to Valentine’s Day, how about sharing some lunchbox jokes? It’s easy, just grab a post-it note, write a joke on it and stick it to something inside their lunchbox. Do you send a snack to school? Stick a joke on that, too!

How about sticking a funny Valentine’s Day joke inside one of their school books? All of the students in our local schools have a daily planner to keep track of their assignments and homework. That’s a great place to stick a joke and deliver a little smile.

February 14th is Valentine’s Day, which is also known as Saint Valentine’s Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, and it is celebrated in many countries. In the United States, about 190 million Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year — a number that does not include the hundreds of millions of cards children exchange school.

Did you know that Valentine’s Day is the biggest time of the year for giving red roses? It is! Are you giving a Valentine’s Day gift to your pet? You might be surprised to know that about 3% of pet owners give their pets something for Valentine’s Day.

The jokes for Valentine’s Day on this page are great for parents, teachers, coaches, friends, family and kids of all ages. You’re going to love them and so will whoever you tell them to.

Valentine Jokes for Kids

Q: Why did the man send his wife’s Valentine through twitter?
A: Because she is his tweetheart.

Q: What Valentine’s Day candy is only for girls?
A: HER-SHE’s Kisses.

Q: What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time?
A: ChocoLATE

Q: What did Pilgrims give each other on Valentine’s Day?
A: Mayflowers

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

Q: What did cavemen give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A: Lots of ughs and kisses.

Q: What’s the best part of Valentine’s Day?
A: The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.

Q: What food is crazy about Valentine’s Day chocolates?
A: A cocoa-nut.

Q: What was the French cat’s favorite Valentine’s Day dessert?
A: Chocolate mousse

Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?
A: My heart beats for you.

Q: What do you call a very small Valentine?
A: A valentiny.

Q: What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day?
A: You can always count on me.

Q: What did the pickle say to the other pickle on Vale nine’s Day?
A: You mean a great dill to me.

Q: What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you a watt.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Q: Where do hamburgers take their sweethearts on Valentine’s Day to dance?
A: To the meatball.

Q: What did the blueberry say to his wife on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you berry much.

Q: What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and you’ll go places.

Still More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: Why do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
A: Because they’re scent-imental.

Q: What do you call two birds in love?
A: Tweethearts.

Q: Why did the boy put clothes on the valentines card he was sending?
A: He thought they needed to be ad-dressed.

Q: What did the girl bumble bee say to the boy bumble bee on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love bee-ing with you, Honey.

Q: How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.

Q: What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m nuts about you.

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day?
A: You’re purrr-fect for me.

Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Somebunny loves you.

Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow want to go to the Valentine’s Day dance?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Q: What did the circle say to the triangle on Valentine’s Day?
A: I think you’re acute.

Q: Why did they put the boy’s girlfriend in jail?
A: Because she stole his heart.

Q: What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Whale you be mine?

Q. What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
A. I lava you.

Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A: A hug and a quiche.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with a valentine card?
A: A card that says “I love you drool-ly”

Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you beary much.

Q: What did the painter say to his girlfriend?
A: “I love you with all my art.”

Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love ewe.

Q: What does someone who loves their car do on February 14?
A: They give it a valenshine.

Q: What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day?
A: You are bee-utiful.

Q: Why do Valentines have hearts on them?
A: Because gall bladders would look pretty yucky.

Q: What did the pencil say to the paper?
A: I dot my i’s on you.

Q: What did the girl sheep say to the boy sheep on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you baaaaaaack.

Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine’s Day?
A: Owl be yours.

Q: What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine’s Day?
A: You’re purr-fect for me.

Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Lets hang out.

Q: Did you hear about the man who promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine’s Day?
A: He took her to a baseball park.

Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you a ton.

Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?
A: You’re not so baaaa-d.

Q: What is the most romantic city in England?
A: Loverpool.

Q: Why is Valentine’s Day a great day for a party?
A: Because you can party hearty.

Q: What did the pickle say to his Valentine?
A: You mean a great dill to me.

Q: What happened when the two angels got married?
A: They lived harpily ever after.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m stuck on you.

Q: What’s the best part about Valentines Day?
A: The next day when all the chocolate goes on sale.

Q: What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A: Rugs and kisses.

Q: What is a ram’s favorite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear.

Q: What do you get when you kiss a dragon on Valentine’s Day?
A: Third degree burns on your lips.

Q: What did the vampire call his sweetheart?
A: His ghoul-friend.

Q: What happened when the two tennis players met?
A: It was lob at first sight.

Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Be my Valenstein.

Q: What did one piece of string say to the other on February 14th?
A: “Be my valentwine.”

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Al
Al who?
Al be your Valentine if you’ll be mine.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alec.
Alec who?
Alec to kiss your cheek.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Atlas
Atlas who?
Atlas, it’s Valentine’s Day.

Q: What did the ghost say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: By my valenslime

Q: What did one calculator say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
A: “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A: Lots of hogs and kisses.

Q: What did one door bell say to the other on February 14th?
A: “Be my valenchime.”

Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
A: “You’re fun to hang around with.”

Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
A: Because it’s got heart.

Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.

Q: What did the whipped cream say to the ice cream on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m sweet on you.

Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?
A: Cauliflowers.

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: Did you hear about the blind porcupine?
A: He fell in love with a pin cushion.

Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?
A: My heart beats for you.

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn’t get a date.

Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and you’ll go places

Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
A: It was Valenswine’s Day.

Q: Why do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
A: They’re very scent-imental.

Q: What did the man with the broken leg say to his Valentine?
A: I’ve got a crutch on you.

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Bea.
Bea who?
Bea my Valentine.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Emma
Emma who?
Emma hoping I get lots of cards on Valentine’s Day.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like to be my Valentine?

Would you like to see more Valentine’s Day Knock-Knock jokes? Then check out our entire collection here: Valentine’s Day Knock Knock Jokes.

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