Funny San Francisco 49ers Jokes for Niner fans, football fans, friends and family.
This is the best collection of jokes about the 49ers NFL team that you’ll find anywhere online.
We have Niners puns, knock knock jokes, riddles and one-liners about the San Francisco’s quarterback, running back, receivers, kickers, Levi’s Stadium and more.
Not only are these S.F. 49er jokes funny, but they are clean and safe for all ages.
These Forty-Niner jokes are especially great for parents, teachers, coaches, children, San Fran fans and NFL fans – but they are fun for anyone who enjoys football.
You can also check out our collection of football jokes here: American Football Jokes.
San Francisco Forty Niners Jokes
Q: How do you hire a Forty Niners punter?
A: By putting him on stilts.
Q: What did Vernon Davis (49er Linebacker) always have stuck in his teeth?
A: Quarterbacks.
Q: What do SF football players wear on Halloween?
A: Face Masks!
Q: What kind of pastry did Merton Hanks eat most?
A: Turnovers!
Q: What kind of tea do Niners Cornerbacks drink?
A: Penaltea
Q: Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the 49ers football team?
A: They needed a little team spirit.
Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play football for San Francisco 49ers?
A: It was a boxer.
Q: Where was the ghost’s favorite spot in Levi’s Stadium?
A: Under the ghoul posts!
Q: Why did the football quit playing with the Forty Niners?
A: It was tired of being kicked around.
Q: Why doesn’t the Rams football team have a website?
A: They can’t string three W’s together…
Q: How are scrambled eggs like the Forty Niners in the snow?
A: They’re both beaten.
Q: Why is it always warmer at Levi’s Stadium after the game?
A: All the fans have left.
Q: What happens to NFC football players who go blind?
A: They become referees.
Q: Which 49ers player can jump higher than a house?
A: All of them – houses can’t jump at all.
Q: Where did Garrison Hearst like to eat after games?
A: Fast food restaurants (because he was fast).
Q: Why should Jerry Rice have been nicknamed “Bad News?”
A: Because veryone knows that bad news travels fast.
Q: How do the 49ers hire their players?
A: With stilts…
Q: Where do you find hungry 49ers?
A: The golden arches.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about being a San Francisco quarterback?
A: The ground!
Q: What’s as big as Justin Smith, but weighs nothing?
A: His shadow.
Q. What’s the difference between Roger Craig and a duck?
A. One goes quick and the other goes quack.
Q: What did the Rams fan do when his team won the Super Bowl?
A: He turned off his XBox.
Q: What’s the difference between Terrell Owens and a puppy?
A: The puppy eventually grows up and stops whining.
Q: How many Forty Niner players does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Only one… but Joe Montana retired.
Q: What do Seahawk fans and horse flies have in common?
A: They both annoy Niner fans…
Q: What card game do Niners fans play?
A: Golden Gate Bridge.
More 49ers Jokes
Q: What does every San Francisco football player do on their birthday?
A: They get older!
Q: Why did the 49ers draft a ballet dancer as their kicker?
A: They know how to split the uprights!
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Harry?
Harry who?
Harry up and throw the ball, they’re coming right at you!
Q: Which Forty Niner player wears the biggest cleats?
A: The one with the biggest feet!
Q: Why did the Dana Stubblefield (49er Defensive Lineman) get heartburn after eating birthday cake?
A: He forgot to take off the candles.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Tess me.
Tess me who?
Tess me the football!
Q: Who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A: Kyle Shanahan – coach of the 49ers football team
Q: Why do Dallas Cowboys football players cry when they lose?
A: They’re a bawl club (and a rival of the Niners).
Q: What is harder for Emmanuel Sanders to catch the faster he runs?
A: His breath!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hanna.
Hanna who?
Hanna ball off to me, Jimmy Garoppolo!
Q: What do 49ers players lose every night?
A. Their shadows.
Q. Why did San Fran’s kicker bring string to the game?
A: Just in case he needed to tie the score
Q. What runs around Levi’s Stadium but never moves?
A: A wall…
Q: What is the Niner’s kicker Robbie Gould always trying to do?
A: Reach his goals.
Q: What can Forty Niners players catch at Mile High Stadium?
A: Bronco-itis
Football Humor for Niners Fans
Q: What did 49ers fans think about the new lights at Levi’s Stadium?
A: They gave it GLOWING reviews.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Howey.
Howey who?
Howey run so fast?
Q: When do San Francisco football players wear armor?
A: When they play knight games.
Q: What was as big as Charles Haley but weighed nothing?
A: His shadow.
Q: What did Richie James Jr. say to the football before the game?
A: Catch you later.
Q: Did you hear about the joke that Joe Montanta told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.
Q: What do you get when you cross Jimmy Garoppolo (Niners quarterback) with a carpet?
A: A throw rug.
Q: What’s the difference between the 49ers offense and water?
A: Water runs.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hans.
Hans who?
Hans to the face is a penalty…
Q: What do players do when they get overheated at Levi’s Stadium?
A: They get closer to the fans.
Q: Why can’t Jimmy Garoppolo use his phone?
A: Because he can’t find the receiver.
Q. How is the Rams offense like lazy neighbors?
A. They rarely pick up a yard.
Q: Where does Matt Breida go to dance?
A: At a foot ball!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Uriah.
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball Deebo!
Q: What’s the difference between the Niners defense and a dollar bill?
A: You can always get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What is the difference between a Seahawks fan and a baby?
A: Babies stop crying after awhile.
Q: Why did Navaro Bowman go to the bank?
A: To get a quarter back.
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The LA Rams.
Q: Why did 49ers receiver Terrell Owens where the biggest helmet?
A: He had the biggest head.
Q: What do you call a Dallas Cowboy at Super Bowl LIV?
A: A spectator…
Q: What does the Niners coach and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither delivers on a Sunday.
Q: How do you keep a Forty Niner football player out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: What does Dante Pettis and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither is open on Sundays!
Q: What’s the best way to teach your dog to roll over?
A: Have him watch the Niners defense play a game.
Q: What do you call an Seattle Seahawk at Superbowl LVI?
A: Lost.
Q: What’s the difference between Rams fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: Why shouldn’t toddlers wear Robbie Gould jerseys?
A: Too much of a choking hazard…
Sam: What kind of bread do you want for your sandwich?
Niner’s Fan: Sourdough Sam.
Q: According to a new poll 95 percent of people love Sundays.
A: The other 5 percent are Rams fans.
Q: Where should you go if you are scared of catching a cold?
A: The 49ers end zone – they don’t catch anything there.
Q: What do quarterbacks call San Fran defensive linemen when they’re heading their way?
A: They don’t call them anything – they just run!
Q: Why are centipedes not allowed to play for the 49ers?
A: It takes too long to put their cleats on.
