Philadelphia Eagles Jokes

Looking for funny Philadelphia Eagles Jokes? These are the best Eagles jokes you’ll find anywhere.

Not only are these Philadelphia Eagles Jokes funny, but they are clean and safe for kids of all ages.

Are the Eagles making the playoffs this year? Are they making a run for the Superbowl? These Eagles football jokes are especially great for parents, teachers, children, Eagles fans, people from Philadelphia and Pennsylvania, football fans and coaches – but they are fun for everyone.

Philadelphia Eagles Jokes

Q: What does every Philadelphia Eagles player do on their birthday?
A: They get older!

Q: What did the Eagles quarterback say after he got sacked by a Dallas Cowboy?
A. Help – I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.

Q: What are Eagles players always looking up to?
A. The Giants!

Q: Why do the Philadelphia Eagles draft ballet dancers as their kickers?
A: They know how to split the uprights!

Q: What’s the difference between an Eagles fan and a puppy?
A: The puppy eventually grows up and stops whining.

Q: What do Eagles fans and horse flies have in common?
A: They’re both annoying.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Tess me.
Tess me who?
Tess me the football Carson!

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: Which Eagle player needs the most deoderant?
A. Josh Sweat

Q: Which clever pig became a Philadelphia Eagle?
A: Randall Cunning Ham

Q: Why do Eagles players get so many penalties?
A: Because they FLY off the handle so much.

Q: Which Philly player wears the biggest cleats?
A: The one with the biggest feet!

Q: Why did Carson Wentz get heartburn after eating birthday cake?
A: He forgot to take off the candles.

Q: Why do Eagles players have such nich gardens?
A: They have green thumbs.

Q. Why did Alshon Jeffery bring string to the game?
A: Just in case he needed to tie the score

Q. What runs around Lincoln Financial Field but never moves?
A: A wall

Q: Why upsets Doug Pederson most when he plays the Broncos?
A: Too much horse play on the field.

Q: Why was Miles Sanders nicknamed “Bad News?”
A: Everyone knows that bad news travels fast.

Q: Why don’t the Philadelphia Eagles have a real eagle for a mascot?
A: It would be Ill-eagle.

Q: How do the Eagles hire their players?
A: With two pairs of stilts.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What’s the hardest thing about being a Philly quarterback?
A: The ground.

Q: What’s as big as Akeem Spence, but weighs nothing?
A: His shadow.

Q. What’s the difference between DeSean Jackson and a duck?
A. One goes quick and the other goes quack.

Q: What did the Eagles fan do when his team won the Super Bowl?
A: He turned off his XBox.

Q: What are successful Eagles kickers always trying to do?
A: Reach goals.

Q: Who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A: Doug Pederson – coach of the Eagles football team

Q: Why did the Eagles football players cry when they lost?
A: They’re a bawl club.

Q: Which Philadephia Eagle likes to eat Indain food?
A. Vinny Curry

Q. How are the Eagles like your messy neighbors?
A. They can’t pick up the yard!

Q: Who did the Philadelphia Eagles zombie team play during preseason?
A: The DEADskins.

Q: Which Philadephia Eagle runs marathons?
A. MILES Sanders

Q: How did Donovan McNabb (famous Eagles quarterback) know he was about to get sacked in Chicago?
A: He heard them BEARING down on him.

Q: What is harder for an Eagles receiver to catch the faster he runs?
A: His breath!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hanna who?
Hanna ball off to me!

Q: What do Philadelphia Eagles players lose in the dark?
A. Their shadows.

Q: What can Philadelphia Eagles players catch at Mile High Stadium?
A: Bronco-itis

Q: What did the Philadelphia Eagles think about their new stadium lights?
A: They gave it GLOWING reviews.

Q: Why doesn’t Allentown have a professional football team?
A: Because then Philadelphia would want one too!

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Howey who?
Howey run so fast?

Q: What did Alshon Jeffery say to the football before the game?
A: Catch you later.

Q: Did you hear about the joke that Josh McCown told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.

Q: What do Eagles players do when they get overheated?
A: They get closer to the fans.

Q: Why can’t Josh McCown use his phone?
A: Because he can’t find the receiver.

Q: Why did the Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz make his bed out of straw?
A: To feed his night mares (about getting sacked!)

Q: What’s the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Philadelphia Flyers?
A: The Flyers score more.

Q. How are the Philadelphia Eagles like lazy neighbors?
A. They rarely pick up a yard.

Q: Where do Philly football players dance?
A: At a foot ball!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball!

Q: What’s the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles and a dollar bill?
A: You can always get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: When should Philadelphia Eagles football players wear armor?
A: When they play knight games.

Q: What is as big as a Philadelphia Eagles center, but weighs nothing?
A: His shadow.

Q: What do you get when you cross Carson Wentz with a carpet?
A: A throw rug.

Q: What’s the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles and water?
A: Water runs.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hans who?
Hans to the face is a penalty.

Q: What is the difference between a Philadelphia Eagles fan and a baby?
A: Babies stop crying after awhile.

Q: Why did Brandon Graham go to the bank?
A: To get a quarter back.

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Philadelphia Eagles.

Q: Which Philadelphia Eagles player wears the biggest helmet?
A: The one with the biggest head.

Q: What do you call a Philadelphia Eagles player at the Super Bowl?
A: A spectator.

Q: What does the Philadelphia Eagles coach and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither delivers on a Sunday.

Q: Why shouldn’t toddlers wear Philadelphia Eagles jerseys?
A: Too much of a choking hazard.

Q: According to a new poll 95 percent of people love Sundays.
A: The other 5 percent are Philadelphia Eagles fans.

Q: How do Philadelphia Eagles players stay cool?
A: By standing close to the fans.

Q: Where should you go if you are scared of catching a cold?
A: The Philadelphia Eagles end zone – they don’t catch anything there.

Q: What do quarterbacks call Philadelphia Eagles defensive linemen heading their way?
A: They don’t call them anything – they just run!

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: Why are centipedes not allowed to play for the Eagles?
A: It takes too long to put their cleats on.

Q: How do you hire a Philadelphia Eagles punter?
A: By putting him on stilts.

Q: What’s a touchdown?
A: I’m not sure – I’m a Philadelphia Eagles fan.

Q: What did Derek Barnett Eagles Defensive End) have stuck in his teeth?
A: A quarterback!

Q: What do Philadelphia Eagles players wear on halloween?
A: Face Masks!

Q: How do you keep a Philadelphia Eagles player out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: What do New England Patriots receivers and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither is open on Sundays!

Q: What’s the best way to teach your dog to roll over?
A: Have him watch the Philadelphia Eagles defense play a game.

Q: What do you call a Philadelphia Eagles player at the Superbowl?
A: Lost.

Q. Why do ducks fly over Lincoln Financial Field with their eyes closed?
A. There’s nothing worth seeing!

Q: What’s the difference between Philadelphia Eagles fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Q: What kind of pastry did Carson Wentz give away?
A: Turnovers!

Q: What kind of tea do Philadelphia Eagles football players drink?
A: Penaltea

Q: How are scrambled eggs like Philadelphia Eagles safeties?
A: They’re both beaten.

Q: Why is it always warmer at Lincoln Financial Field after the game?
A: All the fans have left.

Q: What happens to Philadelphia Eagles players who go blind?
A: They become referees.

Q: Which Eagles player can jump higher than a house?
A: All of them – houses can’t jump at all.

Q: Where did Herschel Walker like to eat before an Eagles game?
A: Fast food restaurants (because he was very fast).

Q: Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the Philadelphia Eagles football team?
A: They needed a little team spirit.

Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play football for the Philadelphia Eagles?
A: It was a boxer.

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a Lincoln Financial Field?
A: Under the ghoul posts!

Q: Why did the football quit playing with the Eagles?
A: It was tired of being kicked around.

Q: Why doesn’t theEagles football team have a website?
A: They can’t string three W’s together.

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