Nut Jokes

Nut jokes, puns, riddles, one-liners and knock-knock jokes about nuts.

Nut jokes are funny any time of year, but they are most popular during the winter holidays.

These nut jokes are also great for National Nut Day – which is celebrated annually on October 22nd.

There are many types of nuts and culinary nuts, including tree nuts, drupe seeds, Nut-like gymnosperm seeds and Nut-like angiosperm seeds.

Culinary nuts are the type that are commonly eaten. Some people have allergies to nuts, which is not funny at all 🙁

In this collection, you’ll find jokes about nuts like peanuts, almonds, cashew, pistachios, macadamia, acorns, chestnuts and more.

Nut Jokes for Kids

Q: Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A: A couple of nuts.

Q: Which nut is worth the most?
A: Cash-ew.

Q: What kind of nut was on the moon?
A: An astronut.

Q: How do you catch an elephant?
A: Act like a peanut!

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: Which tree do cowboys love most?
A: The horse chestnut tree.

Q: Who answers the door at the nut house?
A: The peanut buttler.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there.
Peanut who?
Peanut, butter open the door!

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: To get to the peanut.

Q: What did the woman say after her grandson told her he ate her entire bowl of peanuts?
A: That’s okay honey, I already sucked the chocolate off of them… (yuck – they were originally chocolate covered peanuts!!)

Q: How do nut trees travel through a forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

Q: Where do nuts get their energy?
A: A Shell station.

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing… peanuts can’t talk!

Q: What do you say to someone after they eat all of your cashews?
A: That’s nut thing to be proud of

Q: What do lawyers snack on?
A: Plea-nuts.

Q: Where can you learn about pecans?
A: The internut.

Q: What do squirrels drink on a tropical vacation?
A: Peanut Coladas

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: Which nut helps you win at tag?
A: Catch-yous.

Q: Why did the boy wrap dollar bills around his feet?
A: He was asked to get some cash-shoes

Q: Why did the boy leave the chestnuts in the rain?
A: He wanted them rusted…

Q: Why did the peanut donate to the high school booster club?
A: It’s Pro-Teen.

Q: Who eats nuts and bolts?
A: A squirrel in a hurry!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there.
Cashew who?
Bless you!

Q: When do Macadamia nuts make you feel good?
A: When they’re complimentary (complimentary means free and Macadamia nuts are expensive)

Q: Why did the almond run across the busy highway?
A: It was nuts.

Q: Which nut is the worst for your diet?
A: Donuts.

Q: What competition do nuts participate in?
A: The peanut butter cup.

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Q: Which type of nut is stored with treasure?
A: Chest nuts.

Q: Which nut always makes a big entrance at parties?
A: MacaDRAMAia nuts.

Q: Which nut comes in cans?
A: Creamed aCorn

Q: How do nuts have fun during the summer?
A: They go to acorn-ival.

Q: What do squirrels eat at state fairs?
A: Acorn Dog.

Halloween Jokes on your Phone or Device

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