Nut Jokes

Nut jokes are funny any time of year – but they are most popular during the holidays.

There are many types of nuts and culinary nuts, including tree nuts, drupe seeds, Nut-like gymnosperm seeds and Nut-like angiosperm seeds.

Culinary nuts are the type that are commonly eaten. Some people have allergies to nuts, which is not funny at all 🙁

In this collection, you’ll find jokes about nuts like peanuts, almonds, cashew, pistachios, macadamia, acorns, chestnuts and more.

Nut Jokes for Kids

Q: Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A: A couple of nuts.

Q: Which nut is worth the most?
A: Cash-ew.

Q: What kind of nut was on the moon.
A: An astronut.

Q: How do you catch an elephant?
A: Act like a peanut!

Q: Which tree do cowboys love most?
A: The horse chestnut tree.

Q: Who answers the door at the nut house?
A: The peanut buttler.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Knock Knock.
Who’s there.
Peanut who?
Peanut, butter open the door!

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: To get to the peanut.

Q: What did the woman say after her grandson told her he ate her entire bowl of peanuts?
A: That’s okay honey, I already sucked the chocolate off of them… (yuck – they were originally chocolate covered peanuts!!)

Q: How do nut trees travel through a forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

Q: Where do nuts get their energy?
A: A Shell station.

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing… peanuts can’t talk!

Q: What do you say to someone after they eat all of your cashews?
A: That’s nut thing to be proud of

Q: What do lawyers snack on?
A: Plea-nuts.

Q: Where can you learn about pecans?
A: The internut.

Q: What do squirrels drink on a tropical vacation?
A: Peanut Coladas

Q: Which nut helps you win at tag?
A: Catch-yous.

Q: Why did the boy wrap dollar bills around his feet?
A: He was asked to get some cash-shoes

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: Why did the boy leave the chestnuts in the rain?
A: He wanted them rusted…

Q: Why did the peanut donate to the high school booster club?
A: It’s Pro-Teen.

Q: Who eats nuts and bolts?
A: A squirrel in a hurry!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there.
Cashew who?
Bless you!

Q: When do Macadamia nuts make you feel good?
A: When they’re complimentary (complimentary means free and Macadamia nuts are expensive)

Q: Why did the almond run across the busy highway?
A: It was nuts.

Q: Which nut is the worst for your diet?
A: Donuts.

Q: What competition do nuts participate in?
A: The peanut butter cup.

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Q: Which type of nut is stored with treasure?
A: Chest nuts.

Q: Which nut always makes a big entrance at parties?
A: MacaDRAMAia nuts.

Still More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: Which nut comes in cans?
A: Creamed aCorn

Q: How do nuts have fun during the summer?
A: They go to acorn-ival.

Q: What do squirrels eat at state fairs?
A: Acorn Dog.

Halloween Jokes on your Phone or Device

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