Minnesota Vikings Jokes

Looking for funny Minnesota Vikings Jokes?

This is the best collection of jokes about the Minnesota Vikings you’ll find anywhere.

Not only are these Minnesota Vikings jokes funny, but they are clean and safe for kids of all ages.

These Vikings jokes are especially great for parents, teachers, children, Minnesota Vikings fans, football fans and coaches – but they are fun for everyone.

Minnesota Vikings Jokes

Q: How did the Vikings quarterback get signals from the sideline?
A: Norse code.

Q: What does every Minnesota Vikings player do on their birthday?
A: They get older!

Q: Why did the Minnesota Vikings keep their old quarterback?
A: Because they couldn’t afjord to draft a new one!

Q: Which Minnesota Viking goes around on Halloween trying to scare people?
A: The Headless Norseman.

Q: Why do the Minnesota Vikings draft ballet dancers as their kickers?
A: They know how to split the uprights!

Q: Where do Minnesota Vikings go when they catch a cold?
A: The team Norse.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: Which Minnesota Vikings player wears the biggest cleats?
A: The one with the biggest feet!

Q: How does Kirk Cousins cook eggs?
A: On his Viking range.

Q: Why did the Minnesota Vikings player get heartburn after eating birthday cake?
A: He forgot to take off the candles.

Q. Why did the kicker for the Minnesota Vikings bring string to the game?
A: Just in case he needed to tie the score

Q. What runs around U.S. Bank Stadium but never moves?
A: A wall

Q: What are successful Minnesota Vikings kickers always trying to do?
A: Reach goals.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Tess me.
Tess me who?
Tess me the football!

Q: Who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A: Mike Zimmer – coach of the Minnesota Vikings football team

Q: Why did the Minnesota Vikings football players cry when they lost?
A: They’re a bawl club.

Q: Who did the Minnesota Vikings zombie team play during preseason?
A: The DEADskins.

Q: How did Kirk Cousins (Minnesota Vikings quarterback) know he was about to get sacked?
A: He heard them BEARING down on him.

Q: What is harder for a Minnesota Vikings receiver to catch the faster he runs?
A: His breath!

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hanna who?
Hanna ball off to me, Kirk!

Q: What do Minnesota Vikings lose every night?
A. Their shadows.

Q: What can Minnesota Vikings players catch if a Denver player sneezes on them?
A: Bronco-itis

Q: What did the Minnesota Vikings think about their new stadium lights?
A: They gave it GLOWING reviews.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Howey who?
Howey run so fast?

Q: When should Minnesota Vikings football players wear armor?
A: When they play knight games.

Q: What is as big as a Minnesota Vikings center, but weighs nothing?
A: His shadow.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Minnesota Vikings quarterback with a carpet?
A: A throw rug.

Q: What’s the difference between the Minnesota Vikings and water?
A: Water runs.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hans who?
Hans to the face is a penalty.

Q: What did Stefon Diggs say to the football before the game?
A: Catch you later.

Q: Did you hear about the joke that Kirk Cousins told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.

Q: What do Minnesota Vikings players do when they get overheated?
A: They get closer to the fans.

Q. How does a Minnesota Vikings player count to 5?
A. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5.

Q: Why can’t Kirk Cousins use his phone?
A: Because he can’t find the receiver.

Q: Why did the Minnesota Vikings quarterback make his bed out of straw?
A: To feed his night mares (about getting sacked!)

Q. How are Minnesota Vikings opponents like lazy neighbors?
A. They rarely pick up a yard.

Q: Where do Minnesota Vikings football players dance?
A: At a foot ball!

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball Laquon Treadwell!

Q: What’s the difference between the Minnesota Vikings and a dollar bill?
A: You can always get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What is the difference between a Minnesota Vikings fan and a baby?
A: Babies stop crying after awhile.

Q: Why did Mike Zimmer go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter back.

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Minnesota Vikings.

Q: Which Minnesota Vikings player wears the biggest helmet?
A: The one with the biggest head.

Q: What do you call an Minnesota Viking at the Super Bowl?
A: A spectator.

Q: What does a Minnesota Vikings coach and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither delivers on a Sunday.

Q: How do you keep Minnesota Vikings out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: What do Minnesota Vikings receivers and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither is open on Sundays!

Q: What’s the best way to teach your dog to roll over?
A: Have him watch the Minnesota Vikings defense play a game.

Q: Why don’t the Minnesota Vikings have a website?
A: They can’t string three “Ws” together.

Q: What do you call a Minnesota Vikings player at the Superbowl?
A: Lost.

Q: Where do you go in Minnesota in case of a tornado?
A: U.S. Bank Stadium (Minnesota Vikings Stadium) – they never get a touchdown there!

Q. Why do ducks fly over U.S. Bank Stadium with their eyes closed?
A. There’s nothing worth seeing!

Q: What’s the difference between Minnesota Vikings fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Q: Why shouldn’t toddlers wear Minnesota Vikings jerseys?
A: It would be a choking hazard.

Q: According to a new poll 95 percent of people love Sundays.
A: The other 5 percent are Minnesota Vikings fans.

Q: How do Minnesota Vikings players stay cool?
A: By standing close to the fans.

Q: Where should you go if you are scared of catching a cold?
A: The Minnesota Vikings end zone – they don’t catch anything there.

Q: What do quarterbacks call Minnesota Vikings defensive lineman heading their way?
A: They don’t call them anything – they just run!

Q: Why are centipedes not allowed to play for the Minnesota Vikings?
A: It takes too long to put their cleats on.

Q: How do you hire a Minnesota Vikings punter?
A: By putting him on stilts.

Q: What’s a touchdown?
A: I’m not sure – I’m a Minnesota Vikings fan.

Q: What did Anthony Barr (Minnesota Vikings linebacker) have stuck in his teeth?
A: A quarterback.

Q: What do Minnesota Vikings players wear on halloween?
A: Face Masks!

Q: What kind of pastry did Everson Griffen eat most?
A: Turnovers!

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: What kind of tea do Minnesota Vikings football players drink?
A: Penaltea

Q: Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the Minnesota Vikings football team?
A: They needed a little team spirit.

Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play football for the Minnesota Vikings?
A: It was a boxer.

Q: Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a U.S. Bank Stadium?
A: Under the ghoul posts!

Q: Why did the football quit playing with the Minnesota Vikings?
A: It was tired of being kicked around.

Q: Why doesn’t the Minnesota Vikings football team have a website?
A: They can’t string three W’s together.

Q: How are scrambled eggs like the Minnesota Vikings?
A: They’re both beaten.

Q: Why does the Minnesota Vikings have the coolest helmets?
A: The one with the most fans.

Q: Why is it always warmer at U.S. Bank Stadium after the game?
A: All the fans have left.

Q: What happens to Minnesota Vikings players who go blind?
A: They become referees.

Q: What do Green Bay Packer quarterbacks say during a Vikings pass rush?
A: Vikes! They’re coming right for me!

Halloween Jokes on your Phone or Device

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