Jokes about Vampires

Vampire jokes for kids and adults! We have a huge collection of clean vampire jokes, puns and riddles for a Halloween party or anytime! Share spooky laughs with friends and family.

If you’re having a Halloween party, then these vampire jokes will be a big hit. You can even have a little stand-up comedy event – kids especially love to put on a show!

These jokes are also great for including in a lunch box or along with a snack that you send to school. If your child has a school book or planner for school, write a joke on a post-it and stick it inside for them to smile about. You can find more in our huge collection of Halloween Jokes.

Hotel Transylvania, which stars Adam Sandler as Dracula, is a pretty popular movie for kids. These jokes about Dracula and vampires should be a big hit with any child who enjoyed that movie. If you want to keep it old-school, don’t forget about The Munsters and The Addams Family (but be careful, both shows have some adult themes).

A popular vampire themed toy is the LEGO Monster Fighters Vampyre Castle — but you can also find individual minifigures like Lord Vampire the LEGO Vampire Bride. While we’re at it, the LEGO Monster Fighters Ghost Train is pretty cool, too!

Obviously, Halloween is a big time for vampire jokes — but most kids are never out of the mood for spooky jokes. We hope you enjoy sinking your teeth into these!

Vampire Jokes for Kids

Q: Why did the vampire get kicked out of the house?
A: Because he was a pain in the neck!

Q: What did Dracula say about meeting his girlfriend?
A: It was love at first bite!

Q: Where do vampire’s wash up?
A: In the bat tub.

Q: Why was the vampire locked up in an asylum?
A: He went bats

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
A: Every night he turns into a bat.

Q: Why did the vampire’s head pop?
A: He bit someone with high blood pressure

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To keep from coffin.

Q: What has feathers, webbed feet, fangs and says quack-quack?
A: Count Duckula.

Q: What do you call someone that sucks the jelly out of donuts?
A: A Jampire

Q: Who does Dracula get most of his mail from?
A: His fang club.

Q: How did the witch say goodbye to the vampire?
A: So long sucker

Q: What’s the tallest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: Which family was the Irish vampire always looking for?
A: The O’Positives.

Q: What was the vampire looking for at the circus?
A: The Jugular. (Juggler)

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire ?
A: Frostbite.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What did the vampire say to the Invisible Man?
A: Long time, no see.

Q: What is Dracula’s favorite flavor of ice cream?
A: Vein-illa

halloween-lego-vampire
LEGO Vampire

Q: Why did the vampire want to become an artist?
A: Because he liked to draw blood

Q: What did the vampire say at the blood bank?
A: I’d like to make a withdrawal

Q: Why did the vampire become a comedian like his father?
A: It was in his blood.

Q: Why did the used car salesman like vampires?
A: He knew they were all SUCKERS!

Q: Who did the teenage vampire ask to the prom?
A: The girl NECKS door.

Q: What’s the safest way to whisper a secret to a vampire?
A: On a telephone…

Q: Why do vampires avoid arguments?
A: They don’t want to be CROSS.

Q: How do vampires cross the ocean?
A: In blood VESSELS.

Q: What do you get when you cross a mob boss with a vampire?
A: A fangster.

Still More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: How can you tell that a vampire has an over-bite?
A: They need to go on a diet…

Q: What happened when the vampire couldn’t find his coffin?
A: He went a little batty!

Q: Which restaurant will you never see a vampire at?
A: Outback STAKE-house.

Q: Why did the doctor have to visit the hospital?
A: To have his ghoul-stones removed.

Q: Why did the vampire always travel with his coffin locked?
A: Because his life is at stake!

Q: What was the vampire’s favorite soup?
A: Scream of Mushroom.

Q: What did the Syracuse Football Fan vampire eat during halftime?
A: A blood ORANGE.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: Why did Dracula’s mother give him cough medicine?
A: Because he was having a coffin fit.

Q: Where do vampires keep their money?
A: The blood bank

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A: Lots of blood tests.

Q: Why is Sunday Brunch so popular among vampires?
A: For the Bloody Mary’s.

Q: Why did the vampire flunk art class?
A: Because he could only draw blood.

Q: What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A: A blood test!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine

Q: Why are vampires tough to get along with?
A: Because they can be a pain in the neck!

Q: What do you call the referee in a Transylvanian baseball game?
A: A Vumpire

Q: Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q: What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A: Fangsgiving.

Q: Why is Dracula so unpopular?
A: Because he’s a pain in the neck!

Q: Why don’t vampires spend much money at restaurants?
A: Because they eat necks to nothing!

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite dance?
A: The fango!!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A blood orange

Vampires are pretty easy to trick… after all, they’re all suckers.

Q: What happened when a boy vampire met a girl vampire?
A: It was love at first bite!

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite type of soup?
A: Scream of Tomato!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Dracula.
Nobody’s home.

Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes.

Q: What’s did the girl say when a vampire kissed her?
A: It was a pain in the neck.

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
A: Casketball

Q: How can you tell if a vampire likes baseball?
A: The night that he goes into a bat.

Q: Why did the vampire sit on the pumpkin?
A: He wanted to play squash

Q: Why is Dracula so unpopular?
A: Because he’s a pain in the neck!

Q: Which building did the vampire visit in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: What do vampires never order at restaurants?
A: The stake dinner

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: What did the polite vampire say after his meal?
A: Fang you for dinner

Q: Why don’t people like vampires?
A: He have bat tempers.

Q: What song do vampires hate?
A: “You Are My Sunshine”

Q: Why did the vampire go to school?
A: To learn the alphabat!

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin.

Q: Why did the vampire like baseball?
A: Every night he got to turn into a bat.

Q: What happened to Dracula after he bit a sheep?
A: He felt baaaaaaaaaaad.

Q: Where do vampires get their stories from?
A: A crypt writer

Q: Why was the vampire artist so famous?
A: Because he was great at drawing blood.

Q: Which city do vampires in China live in?
A: Fanghai

Q: What do you name a duck with fangs?
A: Quackula

Q: Who was the vampire’s favorite super hero?
A: Batman!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite candy?
A: Suckers

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Which building did the vampire visit in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: What was the Vampire’s least favorite song?
A: Another one bites the dust!

Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.

Q: What type of coffee do vampires drink?
A: De-coffin-ated coffee!

Q: How does Dracula like his food served?
A: In bite-sized pieces!

Q: Where do vampire students eat their lunch?
A: In the casketeria.

More Jokes Below ↓ ↓

Q: Why did Dracula never marry?
A: He always want to be a bat-chelor!

Q: Which sport do vampires like to play the most?
A: BAT-minton.

Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They always come out at night

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A: A blood hound.

Q: Why do people think Dracula is polite?
A: He always says fangs you!

Q: What does a vampire take for a scratchy throat?
A: Coffin drops

Q: What don’t people like vampires?
A: Because they suck!

Halloween Jokes on your Phone or Device

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