Looking for funny Chicago Bears jokes?
This is the best collection of Chicago Bears jokes you’ll find online that are family-friendly and safe for kids of all ages.
These Chicago Bears jokes are great for parents, Bears fans, sports fans, football fans – and anyone with an interest in the Chicago Bears (including fans of their opponents).
You’ll find silly Chicago Bears jokes, funny Bear jokes, knock knock jokes and more.
Funny Chicago Bears Jokes
Q: Why do the Chicago Bears draft ballet dancers as their kickers?
A: They know how to split the uprights!
Q: Which Chicago Bears player wears the biggest cleats?
A: The one with the biggest feet!
Q. Why did the kicker for the Chicago Bears bring string to the game?
A: Just in case he needed to tie the score
Q. What runs around Soldier Field but never moves?
A: A wall
Q: What are successful Chicago Bears kickers always trying to do?
A: Reach goals.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Tess me.
Tess me who?
Tess me the football!
Q: Who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A: Matt Nagy – coach of the Chicago Bears football team
Q: Why did the Chicago Bears football players cry when they lost?
A: They’re a bawl club.
Q: Who did the Chicago Bears zombie team play during preseason?
A: The DEADskins.
Q: How did Mitch Trubisky (Chicago Bears quarterback) know he was about to get sacked?
A: He heard them BEARING down on him.
Q: Why do the Chicago Bears laugh so much during a game?
A: Being serious is unBEARable to them.
Q: What do Chicago Bears players order from the bakery?
A: Bear claw cookies.
Q: What is harder for a Chicago Bears receiver to catch the faster he runs?
A: His breath!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hanna.
Hanna who?
Hanna ball off to me, Mitch!
Q: What do Chicago Bears lose every night?
A. Their shadows.
Q: What can Chicago Bears players catch if a Denver player sneezes on them?
A: Bronco-itis
Q: What did the Chicago Bears think about their new stadium lights?
A: They gave it GLOWING reviews.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Howey.
Howey who?
Howey run so fast?
Q: When should Chicago Bears football players wear armor?
A: When they play knight games.
Q: What is as big as a Chicago Bears center, but weighs nothing?
A: His shadow.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Chicago Bears quarterback with a carpet?
A: A throw rug.
Q: What’s the difference between the Chicago Bears and water?
A: Water runs.
y
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Hans.
Hans who?
Hans to the face is a penalty.
Q: What did Kevin White say to the football before the game?
A: Catch you later.
Q: What happends to the Chicago Bears pass rush every fall?
A: They go into hibernation.
Q: Did you hear about the joke that Mitch Trubisky told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.
Q: How does Soldier Field keep their locker room cool?
A: They use bear conditioning.
Q: What do Chicago Bears players do when they get overheated?
A: They get closer to the fans.
Q: Why can’t Mitch Trubisky use his phone?
A: Because he can’t find the receiver.
Q: Why did the Chicago Bears quarterback make his bed out of straw?
A: To feed his night mares (about getting sacked!)
Q. How are Chicago Bears opponents like lazy neighbors?
A. They rarely pick up a yard.
Q: Where do Chicago Bears football players dance?
A: At a foot ball!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Uriah.
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball Anthony Miller!
Q: What’s the difference between the Chicago Bears and a dollar bill?
A: You can always get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What is the difference between a Chicago Bears fan and a baby?
A: Babies stop crying after awhile.
Q: Why did Matt Nagy go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter back.
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Chicago Bears.
Q: Which Chicago Bears player wears the biggest helmet?
A: The one with the biggest head.
Q: How does Mitch Trubisky send letters?
A: By bear mail.
Q: What do you call an Chicago Bear at the Super Bowl?
A: A spectator.
Q: What do you call a Chicago Bears player who has no teeth?
A: A gummy bear.
Q: What does a Chicago Bears coach and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither delivers on a Sunday.
Q: How do you keep Chicago Bears out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: What do Chicago Bears receivers and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither is open on Sundays!
Q: What are Chicago Bears called when they play in the rain?
A: Drizzly bears.
Q: What’s the best way to teach your dog to roll over?
A: Have him watch the Chicago Bears defense play a game.
Q: Why don’t the Chicago Bears have a website?
A: They can’t string three “Ws” together.
Q: What do you call a Chicago Bears player at the Superbowl?
A: Lost.
Q: Where do you go in Chicago in case of a tornado?
A: Soldier Field (Chicago Bears Stadium) – they never get a touchdown there!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Soldier Field with their eyes closed?
A. There’s nothing worth seeing!
Q: What’s the difference between Chicago Bears fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: What do you call a Chicago Bears player with a beard?
A: A grizzly bear.
Q: Why shouldn’t toddlers wear Chicago Bears jerseys?
A: It would be a choking hazard.
Q: According to a new poll 95 percent of people love Sundays.
A: The other 5 percent are Chicago Bears fans.
Q: How do Chicago Bears players stay cool?
A: By standing close to the fans.
Q: Where should you go if you are scared of catching a cold?
A: The Chicago Bears end zone – they don’t catch anything there.
Q: What do quarterbacks call Chicago Bears defensive lineman heading their way?
A: They don’t call them anything – they just run!
Q: Why did Matt Nagy go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter back.
Q: Why are centipedes not allowed to play for the Chicago Bears?
A: It takes too long to put their cleats on.
Q: How do you hire a Chicago Bears punter?
A: By putting him on stilts.
Q: What’s a touchdown?
A: I’m not sure – I’m a Chicago Bears fan.
Q: What did Richard Dent (Chicago Bears defensive end) have stuck in his teeth?
A: A quarterback.
Q: What do Chicago Bears players wear on halloween?
A: Face Masks!
Q: Which Chicago player stands on his head before games?
A: Yoga Bear.
Q: What kind of pastry did Charles Tillman eat most?
A: Turnovers!
Q: What kind of hugs does Khalil Mack give?
A: Bear hugs!
Q: What do Chicago Bears football players wear on halloween?
A: Face Masks!
Q: What kind of tea do Chicago Bears football players drink?
A: Penaltea
Q: Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the Chicago Bears football team?
A: They needed a little team spirit.
Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play football for the Chicago Bears?
A: It was a boxer.
Q: Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a Soldier Field?
A: Under the ghoul posts!
Q: Why did the football quit playing with the Chicago Bears?
A: It was tired of being kicked around.
Q: Why doesn’t the Chicago Bears football team have a website?
A: They can’t string three W’s together.
Q: How are scrambled eggs like the Chicago Bears?
A: They’re both beaten.
Q: Why does the Chicago Bears have the coolest helmets?
A: The one with the most fans.
Q: Why is it always warmer at Soldier Field after the game?
A: All the fans have left.
Q: What happens to Chicago Bears players who go blind?
A: They become referees.
