Valentine’s Day Jokes

This is the best place to find Valentine’s Day jokes that are safe for kids – and funny for everyone.

Leading up to Valentine’s Day, how about sharing some lunchbox jokes? It’s easy, just grab a post-it note, write a joke on it and stick it to something inside their lunchbox. Do you send a snack to school? Stick a joke on that, too!

How about sticking a funny Valentine’s Day joke inside one of their school books? All of the students in my son’s class have a daily planner to keep track of their assignments and homework. That’s a great place to stick a joke and deliver a little smile.

February 14th is Valentine’s Day, which is also known as Saint Valentine’s Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, and it is celebrated in many countries. In the United States, about 190 million Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year — a number that does not include the hundreds of millions of cards children exchange school.

Did you know that Valentine’s Day is the biggest time of the year for giving red roses? It is! Are you giving a Valentine’s Day gift to your pet? You might be surprised to know that about 3% of pet owners give their pets something for Valentine’s Day.

Valentine Jokes

Q: What did Pilgrims give each other on Valentine’s Day?
A: Mayflowers

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

Q: What did cavemen givetheir wives on Valentine’s Day?
A: Lots of ughs and kisses.

Q: What did the Miss Piggy say to Kermit on February 13th?
A: Don’t froget, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day!

Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?
A: My heart beats for you.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What do you call a very small Valentine?
A: A valentiny.

Q: What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day?
A: You can always count on me.

Q: What did the pickle say to the other pickle on Vale nine’s Day?
A: You mean a great dill to me.

Q: What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you a watt.

Q: Where do hamburgers take their sweethearts on Valentine’s Day to dance?
A: To the meatball.

Q: What did the blueberry say to his wife on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you berry much.

Q: What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and you’ll go places.

Q: Why do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
A: Because they’re scent-imental.

Q: What do you call two birds in love?
A: Tweethearts.

Q: Why did the boy put clothes on the valentines card he was sending?
A: He thought they needed to be ad-dressed.

Q: What did the girl bumble bee say to the boy bumble bee on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love bee-ing with you, Honey.

Q: What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m nuts about you.

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day?
A: You’re purrr-fect for me.

More Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Somebunny loves you.

Q: What did the circle say to the triangle on Valentine’s Day?
A: I think you’re acute.

Q: Why did they put the boy’s girlfriend in jail?
A: Because she stole his heart.

Q: What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Whale you be mine?

Q. What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
A. I lava you.

Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A: A hug and a quiche.

Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with a valentine card?
A: A card that says “I love you drool-ly”

Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you beary much.

Q: What did the painter say to his girlfriend?
A: “I love you with all my art.”

Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love ewe.

Q: What does someone who loves their car do on February 14?
A: They give it a valenshine.

Q: What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day?
A: You are bee-utiful.

Q: Why do Valentines have hearts on them?
A: Because gall bladders would look pretty yucky.

Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What did the girl sheep say to the boy sheep on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you baaaaaaack.

Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine’s Day?
A: Owl be yours.

Q: What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine’s Day?
A: You’re purr-fect for me.

Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Lets hang out.

Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you a ton.

Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?
A: You’re not so baaaa-d.

Q: What is the most romantic city in England?
A: Loverpool.

Q: Why is Valentine’s Day a great day for a party?
A: Because you can party hearty.

Q: What happened when the two angels got married?
A: They lived harpily ever after.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m stuck on you.

Q: What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A: Rugs and kisses.

Q: What did the vampire call his sweetheart?
A: His ghoul-friend.

Q: What happened when the two tennis players met?
A: It was lob at first sight.

Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Be my Valenstein.

Q: What did one piece of string say to the other on February 14th?
A: “Be my valentwine.”

Jokes Continue Below ↓ ↓

Q: What did the ghost say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: By my valenslime

Q: What did one calculator say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
A: “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A: Lots of hogs and kisses.

Q: What did one door bell say to the other on February 14th?
A: “Be my valenchime.”

Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
A: “You’re fun to hang around with.”

Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
A: Because it’s got heart.

Q: What did the whipped cream say to the ice cream on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m sweet on you.

Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?
A: Cauliflowers.

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?
A: My heart beats for you.

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn’t get a date.

Check All of Our Joke Collections Below ↓ ↓