Cat jokes are funny – and we have the biggest collection of clean cat jokes online!
If you’re looking for kitten or cat jokes, then take a look at this hilarious collection of the best cat jokes, riddles, puns and knock-knock jokes.
These cat jokes are great for parents, teachers, vets, pet store workers, cat lovers and kids of all ages.
Cat Facts – Cats have excellent night vision and can see at only one-sixth the light level required for human vision. They also have excellent hearing and can detect a broad range of frequencies. They can hear higher-pitched sounds than either dogs or humans – and that’s no joke!
Cat Jokes
Q: What looks like half a cat?
A: The other half.
Q: How did the Tom cat think he did on the math test?
A: He was feline pretty good about it.
Q: What happened after the cat ate a ball of wool?
A: She had mittens.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a parrot?
A: A carrot.
Q: How do cats eat spaghetti?
A: With their mouths just like everyone else.
Q: What is a French cat’s favorite dessert?
A: Chocolate mouse.
Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
A: Boo-hoo, I’m paw.
Q: How do you know if your Tom cat’s eaten a duck?
A: He’s got that down in the mouth look.
Q: What kind of musician do cats like to be?
A: Purr-cussionists.
Q: Why did the cat put the letter “M” into the refrigerator?
A: To turn “ice” into “mice”
Q: What do you call a buccaneer with a cat on his shoulder?
A: A purr-ate.
Q: What happened when the cat ate the clown fish?
A: It felt funny.
Q: What’s the first thing a cat does in the morning?
A: It wakes up.
Q: What’s the second thing a cat does after it wakes up?
A: Goes back to sleep.
Clean Cat Jokes
Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse!
Q: What kind of kitten works at the hospital?
A: A first-aid Kit.
Q: How do you know your cat used your computer?
A: Your mouse has teeth marks on it
Q: How does a cat count?
A: Mew, mew-mew, mew-mew-mew…
Q: How do cats eat pizza?
A: They put it in their mouths just like everyone else.
Q: How does the cat get what it wants?
A: With purr-suasion.
Q: How is a cat like a coin?
A: It has a head on one side and tail on the other
Q: How does a cat sing scales?
A: Do-re-me-ow
Q: What do you call an old Tom cat?
A: Grand-Paw
Q: Why don’t cats like to go shopping?
A: They prefer catalogs.
Q: What’s smarter than a talking cat?
A: A spelling bee!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cat and a shark?
A: A catfish.
Q: Why did the cat cross the road?
A: Claws it wanted to.
Q: Why can’t cats play Go Fish with each other?
A: They get too distracted by the fish.
Q: How is cat food sold?
A: Purrrr can
Q: Why did the cat pour oil on the mouse?
A: Because it squeaked.
Q: Why do you always find a lost cat in the last place you look?
A: Because you stop looking once you find it.
Q: How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
A: He’s got that down in the mouth look!
Q: What happened when the cat swallowed the quarter?
A: There was money in the kitty.
Cat Jokes for School Teachers
Q: Why did the kitten want to go to medical school?
A: To become a first aid kit
Q: What is a cat’s favorite school subject?
A: HISStory.
Q: What should you say to your cat when you leave for school in the morning?
A: Have a mice day.
Q: Where did the kittens go for their school field trip?
A. The mewseum.
Q: Why was the cat so crabby at school?
A: He was in a bad mewd.
Q: Why do cats do so well in music class?
A: Because they’re very mewsical.
Q: How can you spell mousetrap using only three letters?
A: C-A-T
Q: Do you know what’s smarter than a counting cat?
A: A spelling bee!
Cat Humor
Q: Why is it so hard for leopards to hide?
A: Because they’re always spotted.
Q: Why don’t cats play Go Fish in Africa?
A: Too many cheetahs.
Q: Can cats give each other high fives?
A: Pawsibly…
Q: Why was the cat so small?
A: Because it only drank condensed milk!
Q: How do you know when a cat is too sensitive?
A: When they cry over spilt milk.
Q: How do you spell cat backwards?
A: C-A-T B-A-C-K-W-A-R-D-S
Q: What happened when the mama cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
A: She had mittens.
Q: Why don’t cats play cards in the jungle?
A: There are too many cheetahs.
Q: What did the cat say when it met the mouse?
A: Pleased to eat you.
Q: What do you call a cat police force?
A: Claw enforcement.
Q: What do cats do after an argument?
A: They hiss and make up.
Q: What do you call a cat that can convince you of anything?
A: Purrr-suasive.
Q: Why was the cat grouchy?
A: It was in a bad mewed.
Q: What happened when the cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
A: She had mittens.
Q: What do cats wear when they sleep?
A: paw-jamas!
Q: Which vegetable do cats like the most?
A: As-purr-agus.
Q: What is a cat’s favorite cereal?
A: Mice Krispies.
Q: What do you call cats that live in igloos?
A: Eskimeows
Q: If the lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, then what do cats run on?
A: Their paws.
Q: What do cats like to eat on hot days?
A: Mice cream cones.
Q: What state has the most cats?
A: Petsylvania
Q: What do you call a cat criminal?
A: A Purr-petrator
Q: Why was the cat grouchy?
A: Bad mewed.
Q: Where can your cat sit, but you can’t?
A: Your lap.
Cat Puns
Q: What kind of yard work do cats like the most?
A: Meowing the lawn.
Q: Why did the cat cross the road
A: It was the chicken’s day off.
Q: How many cats can you put into an empty box?
A: Only one because then the box isn’t empty anymore.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with Kris Kringle?
A: Santa Claws.
Q: Why did the cat run away from the tree?
A: It was afraid of the bark!
Q: Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane?
A: Kitty-hawk
Q: What did the cat say to the dog?
A: Meow.
Q: What did the cat say when the dog ate it’s food?
A: You gotta be kitten me…
Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a rug?
A: A car-pet
Q: Who was the most powerful Chinese cat?
A: Chairman Meow.
Q: What did the space alien say to the cat?
A: Take me to your litter.
Q: Which kinds of cats like bowling?
A. Alley cats
Q: What are caterpillars scared of?
A: Doger-pillars!
Q: Why do cats sleep all day?
A: Because they can.
Q: What happens when you give a cat a Rubik’s cube?
A: It gets purr-plexed.
Q: What do cats read in the morning?
A. The mewspaper
Q: What do you call an oil painting of a kitten?
A: A paw-trait
Q: Why are desert cats so popular at Christmas?
A: Because they have sandy claws.
Q: What do they call it when a cat wins a dog contest?
A: A cat-has-trophy
Q: Why are cats such terrible story tellers?
A. Because they have only one tail.
Q: How is wet cat food priced?
A: Purr can
Q: Why do cats make the best pets?
A: Because they are purr-fect
Q: What do you call a cat walking in the snow?
A: A cool cat.
Q: Why are cats so good at video games?
A: Because they start with nine lives!
Q: Why was the cat so tiny?
A: It only drank condensed milk.
Cat Riddles
Q: What type of cat has eight legs and loves to swim?
A: An octopuss
Q: Why don’t you need a license for a cat?
A: Because they can’t drive.
Q: What color do cats like the most?
A. Purrr-ple
Q: What game did the cat like to play with the mouse?
A. Catch
Q: What was the cat’s favorite song?
A: Three Blind Mice.
Q: Why is it so hard for a ocicat to hide?
A. Because it’s always spotted.
Q: What happens when a cat drinks vinegar?
A: You get a sourpuss
Q: What is a cat’s favorite thing to watch on TV?
A: The evening mews.
Q: What is a cat’s favorite brand of car?
A: The Catillac.
Q: What do you call a loving cat bite?
A: A cat nip
Q: Why did the cat eat a plate of cheese?
A: So he could wait by the mouse hole with baited breath.
Q: What do you call a cat after it sucked on a lemon?
A: A sour puss
Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a bird?
A: Shredded tweet
Q: What did the mouse say when the cat grabbed his tail?
A: That’s the end of me.
Q: What do you get if cross a Pekingese with a Tomcat?
A: A Peking Tom
Q: What do cats use to make their coffee?
A: A purr-colator.
Q: What do you call a cat that ate a whole duck?
A: A duck-filled fatty puss.
Q: What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?
A: An eskimew.
Q: What do you call a cat wearing shoes?
A: Puss in boots
Q: What’s another name for a Siberian cat??
A: Eskimeow.
Q: During what kind of weather is a veteranarian the busiest?
A: When it’s raining cats and dogs!
Q: What do you do with a blue Burmese cat?
A: Try and cheer it up a bit
Q: What do you use to style your cat’s hair?
A: A catacomb.
Q: If the cat could jump five feet high, then why couldn’t it jump through a three foot high window?
A: The window was closed!
Q: What do cat actors say on stage?
A: Tabby or not tabby, that is the question.
Kitten Jokes
Q: What do kittens call a bowl of mice?
A: A purrfect meal
Q: What is a kitten’s favorite birthday party game?
A: Mews-ical chairs
Q: What do kittens wear?
A: Dia-purrs
Q: What do kittens like to eat on hot days?
A: Mice cream cones.
Q: If lights run on electricity and buses run on gas, what do kittens run on?
A: Their paws.
Q: What does a kitten do when it gets mad? ?
A: It has a hissy fit.
Q: During which month do kittens meow the least often?
A: February, because it’s the shortest month.
Q: When is it bad luck for a black cat to follow you?
A: When you’re a mouse.
Q: Which type of cat purrs more than any other?
A: Purrsians!
Q: What did one cat say to the other?
A: Have you heard the mews today?
Q: What do you call a statue of a cat?
A: A caterpillar
Q: What do you call a cat that digs on the beach?
A: Sandy Claws.
Q: What do you use to style your cat’s hair?
A: A catacomb.
Q: What grade did the cat get on his math test?
A: A Purrrr-fect score!
Q: What happened when the alley cat went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show
Q: What is a cat’s favorite musical?
A: The Sound of Mewsic.
Q: What do you call a cat burglar?
A: A purr-petrator.
Q: What is a favorite cat tale?
A: The Tortoise and the Hairball
Q: What is another name for a cat’s apartment?
A: A scratch pad.
Q: What kind of cats have the nicest sounding purr?
A: Purr-sians!
Q: What award do cat journalists earn?
A: The Purr-litzer prize.
Q: What is the difference between a comma and a cat?
A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
Q: What is the title of the unauthorized autobiography of the Cat in the Hat?
A: Hiss and Tell.
Q: What kind of cat should you take into battle?
A: A first aid kitty
Q: Why did the cat run away from the tree?
A: Because it was afraid of the bark.
Q: What is the cat’s favorite magazine?
A: Good Mousekeeping.
Q: What kind of cat helps keep your grass trimmed?
A: A lawn meower.
Q: Why are cats longer at night than they are in the morning?
A: Because they’re let out at night and taken in in the morning.
Q: What newspapers do cats read? ?
A: The Daily Mews.
Q: Which side of the cat has the most fur?
A: The outside.
Q: What sport do cats play?
A: Hairball
Q: Why did the cat sleep under the old bus?
A: So he would wake up oily.
Q: What’s kind of cat causes the most problems?
A: A catastrophe
Q: What time is it when 10 cats chase a mouse? ?
A: It’s 10 after 1.
Q: What works at a circus, can walk a tightrope and has claws?
A: An acrocat
Q: If a small cat is a itty bitty kitty, then what is an overweight cat called??
A: A flabby tabby.
Q: Who helped Cinderella’s cat go to the ball?
A: Her furry godmother.
Q: Why do so many people love cats?
A: They think they’re purrrr-fect.
Q: How many cats can you put into a kennel cage?
A: Only one. After that, the cage isn’t empty.
Q: Why are cats easier to take care of than babies?
A: Because you only have to clean a litter box once a day.
Q: Why did the judge put the cat in jail?
A: He was guilty of purrjury.
