Harry Potter Jokes for Kids

Searching for Harry Potter jokes? This collection of funny Harry Potter jokes for kids is safe for all ages.

You’ll find clean jokes about Harry Potter, Hogwarts, Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy, Hagrid, Dumbledore & more.

Harry Potter is one of the most popular series of books ever written. If you have a Harry Potter fan in the house, or in your class, then these jokes are perfect for yhem.

You’ll find jokes about Harry Potter, plus popular and obscure characters from the Harry Potter book series and movies.

Did You Know… The title of the first Harry Potter book, “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone,” was changed to “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” on American editions to make it sound more interesting. Also, the name Dumbledore actually means “Bumblebee” in Old English.

Harry Potter Jokes

Q: What do you call a gardener that has a beard?
A: Hairy Potter.

Q: Why was Draco’s shirt covered with dirt?
A: He spent the day Slytherin

Q. Why did the quidditch player travel on a broom?
A. He didn’t have a vacuum cleaner

Q: Why did Harry Potter throw up after the quidditch match?
A: He got broom sick.

Q: Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?
A: So nobody would know which side he’s on.

Q: Why did the Slytherins cross the road twice?
A: Because they are double-crossers.

Q: What kind of cereal do they have at Hogwarts?
A: Huffle Puffs.

Q: Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?
A: Because Draco did.

Q. What do you call Hogwarts students that share a room?
A. Broom-mates.

Q: What do Harry Potter and Charlie Brown have in common?
A: They’re both in love with the little red haired girl.

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Q: What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells?
A: Gifted

Q: Why didn’t the professors like having Fred and George Weasley at Hogwarts?
A: They never knew which witch was which.

Q. What happened to the sorcerer with an upside-down nose?
A. Every time he sneezed his hat blew off.

Q: What’s the first thing wizards do in the morning?
A: They wake up.

Q: Which Hogwarts professor gets blamed for everything?
A: Professor Snape Goat.

Q: How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None – wizards don’t use electricity!

Q: Why wouldn’t Ron’s car move?
A: It got stuck in a quid-ditch

Q: Why did the Dark Lord cross the road?
A: Because Potter couldn’t stop him

Q: Why did Trevor cross the road?
A: To get away from Long Bottom

Q: How dit Aragog get in touch with other spiders?
A: The world wide WEB

Q: Why did Aragog buy a car?
A: So he could take it out for a spin

Q: Why was Aragog such a good baseball player?
A: He knew how to catch flies.

Q: Which is Aragog’s favorite day of the week?
A: Flyday

Q: What does Aragog do on his day off?
A: He goes fly fishing.

Q: How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the room.

Q: How many Hufflepuffs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All of them

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Gryffin
Gryffin who?
Gryffindor’s locked, let me in.

Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Oliver Wood
Oliver Wood who?
Oliver Wood you just open the door!

Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Hermione
Hermione who?
Hermione sister won’t open the door.

Q: Why isn’t Fluffy a good dancer?
A: Because he has two left feet.

Q: Where do you find Dumbledore’s Army?
A: Up his Sleevy

Q: What did Fluffy say when he sat on sandpaper?
A: Ruff Ruff!

Q: What type of markets does Fluffy avoid?
A: Flea markets.

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