Fish Jokes

There’s nothing fishy about these jokes about fish! From Bass to Zebra Fish, we have the best collection of fish jokes right here. Safe for kids, funny for anyone!

Fish Jokes

Q: What did the trout detective say?
A: There’s something fishy going on here.

Q: How did the mollusk get into college?
A: On a scallopship.

Q: What kind of guitar do fish play?
A: Bass

Q: Where do women fish keep their money?
A: In their octopurse.

Q: Did you hear about the crab that went to the gym?
A: He pulled a muscle

Q: What do you get if you cross a pastor with a guppie?
A: Monkfish!

Q: What do you call a crayfish with a messy room?
A: A slobster

Q: What do fish use for money?
A: Sand dollars!

Q: How did the guppies get to the hospital?
A: In a clambulance.

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Q: What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A: A seahorse

Q: What do you get when you cross a banker with a hammerhead?
A: A Loan shark!

Q: What do British sea monsters eat?
A: Fish & ships.

Q: What kind of fish do lion fish chase the most?
A: Zebra Fish!

Q: What birthday party game do fish like to play?
A: Salmon Says.

Q: Why don’t fish do well on school tests?
A: Because they work below C-Level.

Q: Why did the squid cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide.

Q: Why are fish so well educated?
A: They swim in schools!

Q: Where does a fish keep his money
A: In the River Bank!

Q: How do fish know their weight?
A: They have scales.

Q: Where do you weigh whales?
A: At the whale-weigh station!

Q: What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
A: You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish.

Q: Why do oysters go to the gym?
A: It’s good for the mussel.

Q: Who held the baby octopus for ransome?
A: Squidnappers!

Q: What do you call a fish that has two knees?
A: A tunee fish.

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Q: What did the magician say to the fisherman?
A: Pick a cod, any cod!

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: Tentacles.

Q: How did the seahorse move so quickly?
A: He scalloped

Q: What kind of food do they serve in saunas?
A: Steamed mussels.

Q: If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
A: Finland.

Q: What was the humpback’s favorite TV show?
A: Whale of fortune!

Q: Why don’t fish play tennis?
A: Because there afraid of the net.

Q: What does the pope eat during lent?
A: Holy mackerel!

Q: How do you keep a fish from smelling?
A: plug it’s nose.

Q: What do you call a smelly fish?
A: A stink ray.

Q: What was the name of the fish that destroyed Japan?
A: Codzilla.

Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: Mermaids

Q: Did you know that sharks can also squirt ink?
A: Just Squidding!

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Q: Where do teachers send fish who misbehave?
A: To the Offish

Q: What was the Russia Tsar’s favorite type of fish?
A: Tsardines!

Q: What do fish need to stay healthy?
A: Vitamin Sea.

Q: What is the best way to get in touch with a fish?
A: Drop it a line

Q: What is the most valuable type of fish?
A: A goldfish

Q: Why did the fish go to Hollywood?
A: He wanted to be a starfish!

Q: Where do fish sleep?
A: In water beds.

Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: Fssshh

Q: Where do bass wash up?
A: A river basin!

Q: What kind of fish chase mice?
A: Catfish.

Q: What do English whales eat?
A: Fish and ships.

Q: What fish only swims at night?
A: A starfish!

Q: What do you call a fish in a tuxedo?
A: Very soFISHticated

Q: Which fish work in hospitals?
A: Sturgeons

Q: How do you make an Octupus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles

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